Things Continue To Be Stupid

“TAMPA – The LushForLife.com Research Director’s memorandum read: “”Everything is Stupid – Update””.

He’s very cryptic. This is fine, because at L4L, we know that our key mission is to prove that everything is stupid (except emus).

L4L has a mission, a vision, and values – like all organizations. Like most corporates, we moronically wear our mission statements on doglike-tags around our necks, we dumb-down our environment with company motivational posters, and we drool through condescending homilies from management. (Now wait! The company shirt is not really stupid, as it saves us peons money, and kisses-up at the same time.)

However, at L4L, we go further. We have elaborate tattoos of our MV&V on ourselves, our significant others, our children and pets. Our permanent implants identify us as the contractual property of L4L, and we have signed watertight contracts that prevent our working for any other employer for the rest of our lives. It’s really stupid.

So who and what else are leading the pack in the mind-numbingly brainless stakes this week?

1. Tofu, the tasteless crap that you buy when your friends become vegetarians. It takes forever to make it taste like food, and all subsequent conversation focuses on the stupid business of congratulating the chef who succeeds.

2. Democrats who can’t stop whining about Bush long enough to craft a clear, simple message (about 8 words would be good, 10 at a pinch) to look good for the November elections.

3. $100 million dollar genetic maps of the mouse brain (see www.alleninstitute.org). Don’t you think Microsoft’s Paul Allen could have used the money to improve the software?

4. Operas. Specifically Mozart’s “Idomeneo” featuring the severed head of the Prophet Mohammed. And yes, Berlin’s Deutsche Opera has cancelled the production.

5. Television talk shows where dense-skulled idiots repeat cast-in-stone views to other dim-wits, with different but equally non-negotiable views, while neither has any ability to hear or consider anything other than his or her own position.

Sadly, L4L is still struggling to prove that Reza Aslan (author of ‘No God but God’) is stupid. We may even have to add him to emus. Please email any dirt on the guy to only-emus@lushforlife.com.

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