Terror Suspect Torture Fine By Me

As the world recoils in horror at the recent discovery that Maher Arar, a Canadian Muslim, was deported by US forces to Syria and tortured, we must stand back and actually examine the facts before falling into the leftist traps.

It makes me sick to my stomach that the world is buying into liberal slants on almost every issue they twist like a twisty swirly thing. They rant and rave that our government tortures American citizens, that torture doesn’t yield results, that it dehumanizes people, and if we torture enemy combatants, our foes will do the same to our troops! Hogwash!

First of all, Arar was not an American citizen. He was a dirty Canadian. For years, our Northern neighbor has undermined US policies by having a functional national health care program and sending us Bryan Adams and Celine Dion. How can we trust anything they say or do? The man was clearly not an American with his brown skin, black beard, and his disgusting use of the American language by adding “eh” to the end of his sentences. They were completely right to ship the bastard off to Syria. That’s right, Syria! We didn’t even do the torture! A bunch of filthy Arabs did it! It makes me want to run the next Democrat I see over with my H2 Hummer.

Next, to address the issue that torture doesn’t yield results, the man confessed! Cried and spilled his guts like a little girl, he did. Now sure, he confessed to having been trained in an Afghanisti terrorist camp, and it turned out that he had never been to Afghanistan, but that just proves my point. Imagine if he had been a real terrorist. If we can get that kind of intel out of an impostor, the results from the real deal would be phenomenal. I say beat, waterboard, and smack ’em all around with electrical cable; one of them are bound to be an al-Qaeda.

Now, what makes me angry enough to vomit oil onto a baby seal is the ridiculous claim that this kind of interrogation will cause the other side to use torture, too. First off, our troops are vastly superior to anything the Middle East can spew up; they’d never squeal. Second, those bastards over there have no sense of decency; they would torture our guys in a second, irregardless of what we do to their terror mongers.

Finally, I would like to address the preposterous claim that torture dehumanizes these animals. How can you dehumanize a beast that is prepared to do horrible things to innocent people? They have no problem killing or torturing a man simply because he is a Westerner. I say, if you act like an animal, you should be treated as one.



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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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