Tampa Bay Devil Rays Change Mascot, Uniform

“TAMPA – In memory of the late animal freak Steve Irwin, who was stricken dead by a rogue stingray (or devil ray, if you will), baseball’s Tampa Bay Devil Rays have changed their team nickname from a menacing, sacrilegious “”devil”” ray to the kinder, gentler “”Crikey””.

Much like Kansas City’s Chiefs or Florida State University’s Seminoles, which are always under scrutiny from far left groups to change their names to less racist terms (though the actual groups whose names are represented could give two shits), the Tampa Bay management felt the need for a mascot that expressed a higher level of sensitivity to those afflicted by the terrorizing fish, yet is also bandwagonish enough to prove to be silly in as little as a month.

Though the new team nickname is not a noun, but an exclamation, team owner Stuart Sternberg thinks that it could be a new rally cry for the oft-losing team.

“”We’ve had enough trouble from religious groups through the years,”” Sternberg said in a Tuesday press conference. “”I think that glomming onto a public figure such as Steve Irwin will be good for our ticket sales.””

The uniforms will also be changed to reflect the team’s new sense of humanity. Instead of the standard-issue baseball attire, the team will now be outfitted entirely in khaki. The traditional helmets will be replaced with floppy outback hats, and the cleats turned in for hiking boots.

’I think it will be good for our morale, but not much else,’ team manager Joe Maddon remarked. ‘Seeing ol’ Cee Craw steal second base might be a bit more exciting, him clodhopping in his new Timberland’s.’

Local religious fanatics are ecstatic about the change, if still a little disappointed by what sparked it.

’We done been beggin’ them ta change it fer years,’ family values oriented slut and Hillsborough County Commissioner Ronda Storms said at her Senatorial primary victory dinner. ‘I’m a little miffed that it took sumpin’ like a man dyin’ instead of in honor of Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior, but the result’s jus’ the same.’

The Tampa Bay Crikeys will debut their new mascot, a giant, fun-loving Steve Irwin mask, and their new threads at next year’s season opener at the newly renamed Australian Outback Field in St. Petersburg.

Comments

comments

Tags: ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]