Stem Cells Delicious

“NEW YORK – As the heated debate over whether or not to allow stem cell research rages on in Washington, many are discovering new and interesting ways to use stem cells in applications other than research.

“”The law does not prohibit the abortion of human fetuses,’ said A.J. Franks of the Culinary Institute of America. “”It merely says that scientists may not take those fetuses and use their stem cells to conduct research that could save lives.””

Franks and a group of experimental chefs around the country have been experimenting with human stem cells; not in a scientific enterprise, but an endeavor into the boundaries of taste exploration.

“”It’s simply wonderful,”” Josh Nied, a sushi chef at Tokyo Blue in Chicago, told in a telephone interview. “”Rarely is a new ingredient introduced to the world of cuisine. We live in a world where almost any animal, plant, or spice is available thanks to refrigeration and extremely fast modern transportation. To be on the cutting edge of flavor is often difficult because discerning gastronomical adventurers have tried it all. We’re living in very exiting times.””

Nied has become famous recently from his innovative “”Essence of Man”” line of menu items at the trendy Illinois Japanese eatery. “”Sales have doubled in the last three months,”” continued the 32-year-old sashimi master. “”People are seeing stem cell sushi as more provocative than fugu.””

Although many perceive human fetuses as less dangerous than raw puffer fish, sales have proven that stem cells are the new in-thing for the rich, adventurous, and hungry.

Mr. Franks told reporters Wednesday, ‘Well, they [the fetuses] were just going to waste; abortion is not illegal and so the things are just lying around. Seeing as though scientists are legally restricted from doing any good with them, we figured that we might give them a shot. The results have been extraordinary – they’re simply delicious.’

President Bush, in a press conference today, was quoted as saying, ‘A human embryo is sacred. It either belongs inside its mother or in a landfill – to use it in any other way is disrespectful of God and human life. I will do my best of my bestest to? stop this evil.’

When asked if the President would ever try a human makimono, he replied: ‘I can’t stand foreign foods. If it ain’t got ‘tatoes and a slab of dead cow on the plate, I ain’t interested.’



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