People Magazine Retooled To Feature Real People

“NEW YORK – The insanely popular pop culture magazine People announced on Monday that it would no longer feature A-List celebrities, such as Lindsay Lohan, Tom Cruise, Dave Navarro, Brangelina, and the Olsen Twins getting out of bed, drunk, angry, and at their ugliest. It will now feature normal, everyday people.

In the past, People published on a weekly basis only the hippest and coolest of Hollywood fashion and gossip. As the American publics’ attention has turned to reality programming, such as Survivor and American Idol, People Magazine has decided to completely change format and showcase pictures of every day Joe Blows and Jane Hoes, as well as useless water-cooler gossip and chitchat.

“”Americans are about damn sick of acting like they care what Baby Suri looks like,”” said Martha Nelson, editor of People Magazine. “”They just want good clean dirt on what their neighbors are doing. We will try our damndest to let them know.””

Fashion trends have usually been dictated by what those in Hollywood wear to the trendy specialty stores in New York and Hollywood, but now things are changing.

Designer Calvin Klein remarked on the revolution, “”It used to be, people would look at People to know what other people are wearing. Now, though, it will be regular people in People, so now people will have an idea how in or out of touch they are with other people.

“”I think that we’ll be seeing a lot of jeans and tee shirts, and I predict that fat women with too-small pants and their love handles spilling over the top will be the next big thing.””

And for men?

Dylan Jones, editor of men’s fashion magazine GQ thinks that men will see the biggest changes.

’No more will a man have to shave or shower. Your average nobody is usually sporting around in a greasy tank top and their high school gym shorts with some really cool flip-flops? Comfort will be king, once again.’

The biggest Hollywood whores, including Oprah Winfrey and Jessica Simpson, are displeased with the change.

’I just don’t see what the Hell anyone sees in people that are not me,’ stated Jessica Simpson. ‘I have these really big tits and clear skin for nothing, now?’

The new format will debut on newsstands this Tuesday.

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