Features Aplenty!

“TAMPA – As much as has tried in the past, an expert advice column has always managed to elude us. Our initial column, Ask Emma, was cut short when Emma suffered a nervous breakdown as a result of her bouts with post-sex-op depression. She is locked safely away in a drug rehabilitation clinic in Lexington, Kentucky.

Ask Brett! is, of course, reserved exclusively for Brett Favre, quarterback extraordinaire of the Green Bay Packers. His advice is usually less than, uh, by the book, and should only be used for entertainment purposes. And the slightly deranged.

The powers-that-be have searched low and high for a (slightly more) legitimate source of fresh, twenty-first century advice. Something with a bit of flair, a bit of bite, and maybe a little more sex appeal than your normal transvestite. is pleased to welcome Dr. Audrielle Belvedere as our new advice columnist. We are aware that it probably will not work out, as none in the past have, but we are damn well going to give it a shot, Reader.

More about her will be revealed once we complete her profile; given, of course, that she can pass our very rigorous evaluation process, which includes a good amount of raw horse meat and too many toasted watermelons to count.

All questions are real (technically), but we need more. We ask that you please send your questions about life, liberty, love, livers, lost keys, and true enlightenment to, where he will forward them to Dr. Belvedere while she gets that nasty blood stain out of the carpet in her office.



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