Limbaugh Responsible For T.O. Overdose

“DALLAS – The recent drug overdose by Dallas Cowboys’ flamboyant and outspoken wide receiver Terrell Owens – which was originally reported as a suicide attempt – is now being reported as a botched pharmaceutical and alcohol binge between Owens and right-wing talk radio personality Rush Limbaugh.

Initial reports early this morning out of Dallas was that Owens purposefully ingested the remainder of his pain killer medication with the intention of taking his own life, though upon further investigation by reporters, it appears he and Limbaugh were simply out to get some weird kicks during their weekly brain-storming session.

“”Like I’ve said before,”” Limbaugh said to correspondent Rob Johnson, “”don’t believe a damn word you hear in the news about me. The liberals will twist everything I do into a shit-storm.””

This is not the first time Limbaugh has been implicated in possessing illegal pharmaceuticals, and also not the first time Owens has found himself in the limelight of constant media debate and blathering.

Before the overdose, the relationship between Limbaugh and Owens had been unknown to the public. It appears that Limbaugh was assisting Owens in the writing of a new book, a joint effort between the two, entitled T.O. and What The Liberals Want You to Think. The book chronicles the last year of Owens’ life, and is scattered with right wing, Democrat-hating blabber, and Eagles and Donovan McNabb bashing throughout the text.

The relationship between the two was ignited over a year ago, when both men met for the first time at a cockfight in Tijuana, Mexico. They initially hit it off because of their shared hatred for Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb.

Limbaugh was abruptly fired from ESPN’s NFL Sunday Countdown in 2003 when he said that McNabb was a mediocre quarterback at best, and was only popular and well-liked because the NFL wants to see a black quarterback succeed. Owens, like Limbaugh, had a complete falling out with his former team and quarterback, when he blamed the Eagles Superbowl loss on McNabb.

’Rush is a guy that gets me,’ Owens said from Baylor University Hospital on Wednesday. ‘I love me some me, I love me some Rush, and Rush loves him some me and some him and some vicodin.

’He gets some real good stuff too,’ Owens said before snapping a urine soaked towel on the ass of the nurse changing his bedpan.

As reported by head correspondent Arthur Rocks, Limbaugh and Owens were engaged in their weekly vicodin, percocet, and tequila binge while brain storming new ideas for their new book when Owens collapsed from an oxycodone overdose. Reportedly, Limbaugh called paramedics before fleeing the scene, and was replaced by Owens’ publicist.

’We wanted to keep the progression of or new book completely under wraps,’ Limbaugh said, ‘so the liberals couldn’t smother their filthy opinions all over it.’

It appears that not only do Owens and Limbaugh share the same opinions of McNabb and bad literature, but also for their abuse of pain killers.

The duo’s next scheduled trip to Canada to acquire a new stash of pharmies will no doubt be put on hold as Owens recovers from this overdose, and then recovers from whatever verbal and physical abuse he will undoubtedly receive from Dallas Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells, for not only his obvious drug problem, but also directly consorting with members of the media.

When Parcells was asked to comment on the issue, he simply replied, ‘No comment,’ and was quickly followed by, ‘This guy is insane.’ It is still unclear whether the coach was referring to his brash receiver or the delusional right wing journalist. Either way the Tuna has got it right.



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