4.5 Million Refugees Demand Cruise Ships

BAGHDAD – As the death toll of American GIs in the War on Terror increases above and beyond that of the number of US citizens taken on 9/11, a few leftist-pinko-nut-cases are suggesting that the War in Iraq might not have been such a good idea. To make matters worse, some of the Jon Stewart following lunatic fringe of this great country are saying the results of this heroic effort to stem evil in the world is creating new problems. Now, not only do our fearless leaders have to contend with those who hate America abroad, but also at home. The latest barrage of anti-American sentiment coming from local sociopaths concerns the relatively small number of terrorist supporting towel-heads who have been displaced indirectly by the War on Terror.

One of Jon Stewart’s (who actually has the word ‘war’ in his name) psychotic supporters, Mr. B. S. Richards of McKeesport, PA, has suggested that the US Government supply aid to the 4.5 million refugees our noble efforts have created.

“We owe it to the world to at least try and clean up some of the mess we’ve created,” Mr. Richards told LushForLife.com reporter Arthur Rocks in a sit down interview in his McKeesport eco-home. “We clearly have the means to do so; just send them some of those cruise ships that we used after the Katrina disaster,” continued Richards in reference to Carnival Cruise‘s generous use of their ships as emergency housing for Louisiana residents displaced due to the devastating act of God against pro-choicers and homosexuals.

The suggestion has outraged many in the Republican Party, as it has been seen as an attack on how the Bush administration handled the hurricane. Sam Brownback (Rep. Senator, Kansas) told reporters, who stupidly brought up Mr. Richards’ comments in a press conference, that the idea was preposterous. “This idea is preposterous! Besides, Muslims don’t even eat shellfish, and everyone knows that you can only eat lobster dinners on a cruise!”

Super correspondent Arthur Rocks, who had flown into Kansas to follow up on his story, pointed out that it was the Jews who don’t eat shellfish, but that did not deter the brave Senator. “Well, I don’t care what they eat,” continued Brownback, “that idea will never work, last time we tried it, we only filled half the ships and paid more than double the price of a cruise to house those nig… poor people. The federal government would save millions of dollars by actually sending evacuees on a luxurious six-month cruise, and those people would never appreciate it.”

United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, Mr. Antonio Guterres, told reporters Tuesday, “The refugees would not demand lobster dinners. Lobster is an acquired taste for many. Being Portuguese myself, I grew up on seafood and don’t quite understand some people’s dislike of shellfish, but we at the UN try and take into account cultural concerns when we use cruise ships to house displaced victims. We would be more than happy to offer aid to Carnival if they wanted to change their menus to hummus and lamb on the spit; I am quite fond of lamb as well as lobster.”

In other news, Carnival Cruise, as well as Holland America, stock soared today on Wall Street, and Southern Rock Lobster, the US’s largest exporter of lobster, plummeted.




Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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