Lush For Life

Aries: Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places? Yep, that’s you. Stop hanging out at bus stops and crack dens looking for that certain special someone. Look instead at a retirement center. Mr./Ms. Right is there, waiting for you with toothless gums, ready to give you the best oral sex of your life. Taurus: [...]

LONDON – America is too often labeled the warmonger, the aggressor, and the arms dealer. Guns and apple pie are what America is all about, after all. What some of you may not know is that Britain is also a big fan of things that go bang. For the past couple of decades, there has [...]

“TAMPA – The LushForLife.com Research Director’s memorandum read: “”Everything is Stupid – Update””. He’s very cryptic. This is fine, because at L4L, we know that our key mission is to prove that everything is stupid (except emus). L4L has a mission, a vision, and values – like all organizations. Like most corporates, we moronically wear [...]

When I was just a wee depressed and alienated youth of the counterculture, there was a place for everyone. All fit into their place like pieces in a puzzle, and there was usually a reason for it. The easiest to place was always the fat girl. They went one place: with the Goth kids. The [...]

“DALLAS – The recent drug overdose by Dallas Cowboys’ flamboyant and outspoken wide receiver Terrell Owens – which was originally reported as a suicide attempt – is now being reported as a botched pharmaceutical and alcohol binge between Owens and right-wing talk radio personality Rush Limbaugh. Initial reports early this morning out of Dallas was [...]

“TALLAHASSEE – Though many people around the globe consider the 2000 Presidential Election a bullshit farce, the true feces is only now beginning to hit the proverbial fan. In Florida, thousands of votes were thrown out as ineligible, as vote counters worried themselves with who the voter intended to choose, instead of who they actually [...]

“DEARBORN, MI – William Clay Ford, Jr. has kicked himself out as CEO of the Ford Motor Company, because, as replacement CEO Alan Mulally said (not very loudly), “”Nepotism is all very well, but if you suck, you suck.”” And Ford has a new killer business strategy. Double your number of management consultants, close a [...]

As the world recoils in horror at the recent discovery that Maher Arar, a Canadian Muslim, was deported by US forces to Syria and tortured, we must stand back and actually examine the facts before falling into the leftist traps. It makes me sick to my stomach that the world is buying into liberal slants [...]

BANGKOK – A recent investigation conducted by LushForLife.com reporters has revealed the true reason for the military takeover in Thailand. Initially, the motives behind the overthrow of former Thailand Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra led by General Sondhi Boonyaratkalin were unclear, though following an investigation by this news team, the facts are beginning to roll in [...]

“RALEIGH-DURHAM, NC – Did anyone ever tell you about the secret to Lucky Strikes‘ success? Back in the old days, before the Government had realized that the devil lurked inside the evil green weed known as marijuana, Lucky Strike Cigarettes were actually lucky. Once in while, you came across a “”special”” cigarette laced with prime [...]