NAACP Will See Bush’s True African Soul

“WASHINGTON – George W. Bush has always suffered from comparisons with Bill Clinton in the eyes of the African-American community, but at last, he is close to his day in the sun.

It was all a misunderstanding. It appears that black Americans were using the wrong criteria to judge how “”African American”” each of the two presidents really are.

Previously, they were focusing on the way Bill Clinton’s sax playing, way of joining in at a church meeting, or visions of prosperity. They put too much emphasis on how he can touch people’s hearts… um… like Martin Luther King, Jr. (that’s the guy who was like Kenny Lay, if Lay’s funeral orators are to be believed).

Now we are learning that George W. Bush is the real thing. He really understands politics, African style.

Christine Nelson and Alice McCabe (two 55 year old teachers) appeared at a Cedar Rapids event, where President Bush was speaking. Christine wore a Democrat pin, and Alice clutched a small paper sign with the slogan ‘No More War’.

They soon found themselves in handcuffs, being strip-searched at the county jail.

Jeff and Nicole Rank tried to listen to a Bush speech in Charleston, West Virginia, while wearing the wrong t-shirts. They were arrested and charged with trespassing, in spite of having tickets to the event.

Leslie Weise, a 40-year-old mother, drove to a Bush town-hall meeting in Denver, in a car with a ‘No More Blood For Oil’ bumper sticker. She and two friends were threatened and removed from the meeting before Bush appeared.

LushForLife.com hacked into NSA telephone records to investigate this ‘authentically African’ way of handling political opposition.

L4L eventually found the relevant recording. We can reveal that George W. Bush, in an effort to win Afro-American hearts and minds, has been receiving personal coaching from President Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

’In Africa’ Mugabe told him, ‘strong political leaders do not accept criticism from upstart civilians, comments from self-opinionated journalists, or harassment from political opponents. You have to keep a clear vision and make sure that these people do not disturb your thinking or muddle your information sources while you make your decisions. You should handle people like that Sheehan woman and those New York Times renegades like I handle my troublemakers. Bulldoze their homes, take their land, kill their families. Execute them or lock them up and throw away the keys.’

President Bush, though shamed by his previous timidity, has not yet had the courage to fulfill the broad vision of his mentor, and is starting small. Nevertheless, he is on the path to win the respect of the African-American demographic by following Mugabe’s principles. Nelson and Cabe, the Ranks, and Weise were only practice, but he intends to grow in his skills, and finally to boost his disastrous approval ratings with black Americans.

The jury is out, at the moment, on how much success Mugabe’s coaching will bring at the polls, but so far the President has told well-wishers that he likes being an expert on black people. He added that it is certainly easier than learning sax.

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