Ireland Pushes or Space Program

“I get my top secret NASA files and head into the meeting room. I crack the seal to the folder and take my first look for the meaning of the trip.

It seems that Ireland wants to create an Irish International Space Association (IISA). This must be why sent me, as I am the only Irishman with a link to NASA.

“”Gents, you all know why you are here,”” the announcer began. “”Let’s get started. As you know, this has been on the racks for some time. I will turn the floor over to the lead of the research department, Colin O’Brien.””

Colin O’Brien approached the podium and began. “”We finally got the word back on the cost of the project, and the Chinese have agreed on a price. The numbers show that the average person is set to save an average of seven thousand American dollars for our American friend.””

I ask if he means the donators.

‘No, the people going on the trip,’ the man said with a drunken delight.

I thought I would have to read more into the folder and the research, but it would not be so.

’Gentlemen, as you know, the land has been looking for a way to save money on yearly expenses. The yearly report says that the average Irish household spends nineteen thousand Euros on alcohol per anum.’

That’s $24,190.80 in good old American Dollars, on an average of only $38,000 in household income. It’s good to see a nation with priorities.

The meeting went downhill from there, as a drunken Irish man described how after three months of research, they are now ready to start construction on the space program.

’We already have the leftover ‘space stuff’ from the failed space program of the South African People.’ This should be good, I thought, as the man smiled my way. ‘We even brought over a good American to show us the way to get to plan off the ground. He is from NASA and he will be here for the week to help us.’

One week? the American space program took years and they want to start and finish in a week.

’The plan is simple,’ the man said, and then paused for a sip of Irish coffee. ‘We will send people into space. ‘

Easy enough, I thought. A pretty basic plan? What more could a person want? The Irish will only have to spend eight thousand on a yearly pass for the trip. They will travel out of the atmosphere and for one half of an hour and be able to drink. ‘Since our studies show that you only need to drink a fraction of what you need on land, the average person will gladly pay the price. The alcohol, on the other hand, will be the same price it is on land. I will now turn it over to a doctor.’

It was announced that the doctor was named O’Hare as he neared the microphone. ‘Thank you, sir. It is true. I am a doctor, and I have done some research. Since the atmosphere in space is nonexistent, the alcohol will pass through the body at an accelerated rate. What does this mean to any non-doctor? Simple: the body will get more alcohol with less drinking involved. That means that the body, or the person, will achieve a drunker state faster, and that’s less money that the person would have to spend.’

He held for applause as I laughed. The meeting ended on the note that the Irish nation will be morally upheld and the standard will generally improve. By having more time to do other things, the typical Irish man will be able to return home drunk after his sojourn in space. Having a space program only to save money on your drinking will improve your nation.

The good news and final word from the IISA is that the program has been dismissed, as it seems that the gasoline that was used to ignite the only spacecraft cause the first and last IISA disaster. Not to say the idea was a disaster from the start?



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