Doctored Photos Flood Associated Press

“WASHINGTON – Badly Photoshop‘d photographs have been appearing everywhere, lately, from the Israel/Lebanon debacle to Katie Couric’s fat chipmunk cheeks. Blame is being doled out to many, including hackers for making the usually expensive Photoshop program free for all, and to bored politicos trying to make disasters and wars seem better or worse.

Even high-profile celebriticians are getting in on the fun. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Twincum-Governor of California, was recently exposed as he Photoshop‘d his wife, Maria Shriver, to look much prettier than she actually is. He replaced some wedding photos around the house with the doctored pics, but was caught because he accidentally used a black man’s body to replace hers. Said Schwarzenegger:

“”I am to apologize to my wife, my family, and my God for these atrocities which I have set forth against humanity. As penance, I will hang myself from the highest tree in the Redwood Forest.””

Being a politician, he did not come through with his word and was last seen playing golf in drag for a junior midget team.

Much more sinister doctoring has been done, though, as Karl Rove was caught ‘touching up’ a picture of a limbless victim of friendly fire in Iraq. He replaced the soldier with a happy clown, proclaiming that Bush’s plan for the invasion of Iraq was ‘damn well worth it,’ as it brought smiles to the faces of many war-torn homes.

Dubbed ‘BozoGate,’ President George ‘Dubya’ Bush is defending his corrupt compatriot. ‘Rovey, now, Rovey is a good? good guy. He has the, uh, best of intentions, and as the old proverb goes: ‘an ounce of good intention is worth a ton of good deeds’.’

And it doesn’t stop there.

Between-jobs actor Tom Cruise is trying to find work, again, by passing out Photoshop’d pictures of his face on the head of an erect penis as his new headshot. When he was caught by Hollywood casting agency Meyers, Myers, and Meiers, he claimed that it was, indeed, a true photo of his inner being. Once one reached Thetan level six, apparently, their body morphs into a penis to sexually satisfy Xenu, the gigantic, sexually starved super-God entity. has stayed in the clear, however, as we only use film to photograph our images, proving absolutely zero of them to be the manipulations of a warped, ratings-hungry media giant.



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