Update of Mac OS X Features Famous Voices

CUPERTINO, CA – In a press release, Wednesday, CEO of Apple Computers Steve Jobs revealed his company’s plans on implementing the real voices of several adored and beloved celebrities into the newest update of the Mac OS X Tiger operating system.

The update will feature several modifications and upgrades, including a collection of famous voices that you can designate certain tasks and duties. The buzz in underground, tech-geek circles continue to grow as more and more leaks about the update continue to surface.

“”I loaded my browser on my iBook to check my email, and I was greeted by James Woods,”” Apple customer and web designer Albert Clifford said. “”I logged into my Hotmail account, and my computer said: ‘Hi, this is James Woods, and I’m going to read you your email. New message: Hot Asian Cum Ass Fetish Pussy…'””

All of the voices used are, reportedly, the real voices of the celebrities, with hundreds of thousands of varying vocal patterns, levels, lisps, accents, and tones for each recorded voice subject – which the operating system will use in a selective process to pull the different vocal samples from the database to piece together new and authentic sounding word combinations and sentence structures.

The recording process began in 2001, with actor/director Clint Eastwood as the initial voice subject, and is finally scheduled to wrap up by the end of the summer, with former baseball player Jose Canseco. Over the last five years, between Eastwood and Canseco, programmers at Apple have recorded billions of hours of voice recordings of over one thousand celebrities. Since every person willing to be a voice in the new operating system had to recite every word in the English language multiple times, the process was grueling for both the developers and the celebrities.

’I think I’ve perfected the word pussy,’ actor Robert Downey, Jr. told LushForLife.com correspondent Porcious Crank during an all-night coke and methamphetamine binge. ‘They made me say it, like, ten thousand times.’

Celebrity voices on the Tiger update include Woods, Eastwood, Downey, Jr., Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Berenger, Johnny Depp (as Raoul Duke), and Charlton Heston. Some of the celebrities had specific requirements for their recordings.

’I would only do it if I could be the Good Doctor,’ actor Johnny Depp told close friend and LushForLife.com correspondent Arthur Rocks, referring to his role as Raoul Duke in Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas.

’I thought recording The Bible was difficult,’ Charlton Heston said in an exclusive joint interview between LushForLifeTV and The 700 Club. Heston had to excuse himself from the interview after experiencing chest pains and heart complications, presumably from the large amounts of blow he was ingesting along with Duncan Idaho and Pat Roberson as they all engaged in a competition to see who could recite more of the Book of Galatians from memory.

Some added features the update will flaunt will be a Quentin Tarantino ‘useless-fact-of-the-day’ widget, a Dennis Hopper (from Apocalypse Now) alarm clock, and a ‘metaphysical guide’ widget featuring former baseball player Darren Dalton.

With this most recent development, Apple once again proves they are full strides ahead of their competitors and true trendsetters in the technology field.

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