Spatula Crisis Strikes NASA

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Panic stuck mission control, Wednesday afternoon, when an experimental spatula was lost on a dangerous space walk. The spatula was developed in Hong Kong by a team of Chinese aeronautics researchers and flown to the Kennedy Space Center in late 2006. Designed for space walk repair jobs, the spatula was made of molded plastic, specially formed for maximum spread. It was intended to smear a peanut butter-like substance on the outer shell of the shuttle in the event of an astral jelly storm, a more-common-than-you-would-think occurrence here in the Milky Way.

Tear-stricken, Discovery astronaut Piers Sellers apologized while floating in a kneeling position on the main deck of the shuttle’s cargo bay. “”I know how much this mission means to everyone,”” said the embarrassed French butterfingers. ‘I will work as hard as humanly possible to make up for this inexcusable error,”” continued the fumbling frog, “”and I will replace the spatula from my own pay!””

Piers, who makes approximately $39,000 a year on the government’s G-11 pay scale, will need about 22 years to pay off the $850,000 spatula, unless he gets a raise, which he won’t. ‘We simply can’t have irresponsible spacewalkers,’ said Michael D. Griffin, the current NASA administrator. ‘Off the record? We’re going to have to let him go when he gets back.’

A senate committee has been formed to investigate the disappearance of the spatula and other highly published losses of space-grade kitchen utensils. Already, this mission has misplaced a $2.1 million space whisk, a $300,000 eggbeater, and blown up a $25,000 blender. NASA’s clear disregard for taxpayer’s dollars when it comes to cooking tools has obviously spiraled out of control. Just yesterday, astronaut and Texas A&M graduate Michael Fossum dropped an $8,800 butter knife behind the space stove, and didn’t even try to retrieve it.

The spatula will be replaced by an identical design found at the Super Target at 50 Crockett Blvd, Merritt Island, FL.

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