Solution For World Peace Discovered

“TAMPA – While the networks scream “”World War Three”” (or Four), the LushForLife.com International Think Tank quietly produced the solution to ending all human military conflict.

L4L ITT‘s research has shown that there is an almost perfect correlation (+0.98) between ownership of :

1) a push lawnmower,

2) a refrigerator connected to a reliable electrical power supply, with plastic ice trays, and

3) a free-standing rotisserie chicken cooker, and a strong disinclination to shoot rockets and other dangerous missiles into neighboring communities without provocation.

New L4L studies are underway to gather information about how much time, energy and creativity are required to clean and maintain refrigerators and freestanding rotisserie chicken cookers. This result will be added to the energy required to complete other tasks associated with inviting extended family and/or friends to visit, and to share a rotisserie chicken dinner.

L4L’s groundbreaking hypothesis suggests that these tasks siphon off energy otherwise available for making Molotov cocktails, or negotiating with crazy people to buy or build missiles of any kind.

Our surveys also show that refrigerator owners are not in favor of bombs or missiles because electricity cuts cause mold and crud to build up on their appliances, and frozen food tends to thaw. In one survey, respondents showed medium-to-strong anxiety that their frozen chickens (intended for their next rotisserie chicken dinner) might be spoiled during a power-cut.

L4L’s lawnmower subcommittee is investigating the relationship between lawns and peacefulness. Statistical analysis shows that a major issue here is ownership of a lawn. The size of the patch of lawn does not seem to be of major significance in the calculation, unless the lawn exceeds a critical size (over Ω acre). Push lawnmowers appear to be superior peacekeeping tools, compared with all other methods of manicuring lawns.

Those who own very large lawns, and who have no involvement in the mowing of their lawns are, sadly, not protected from the tendency to attack or destroy other communities. It is, therefore, highly recommended that all politicians and lawmakers own a lawn smaller than Ω acre. They should mow it weekly, in person, with a push-mower, to ensure that they are not tempted to make unprovoked war upon anyone.

LushForLife.com regrets that we cannot answer queries at the moment. We are all currently researching our share portfolios, based on push lawnmower manufacturers and refrigerator producers. Oh, and registering patents for new rotisserie chicken cookers?

Comments

comments

Tags: , , ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]