Jul 28th, 2006
“BERKLEY, CA – AIDS research scientists have made a new discovery in the origin of AIDS and the HIV virus. After extensive research, scientists have come to the conclusion that AIDS was put into animals by God to punish vegetarians for having mature, adult love for animals; and, of course, for being gay.
This is what [...]
In a monthly periodical, you, the readers of LushForLife.com, can submit questions to Danny Albertson, and he will forward a handful of them to Brett Favre in their monthly sit down QandA.
Danny Albertson: I’m sitting down, once again, with possibly the most beloved and adored figure in all professional sports of all-time, ever: Brett Favre. [...]
BOSTON – The infamous North American Man/Boy Love Association announced, today, that they will be teaming up with Bad Boy Entertainment CEO P. Diddy in efforts to launch a new MTV reality show. The premise of the show will be to take five Caucasian, sexually confused adolescents and put them through a series of rigorous [...]
“Dearest Reader,
In the turbulent world that is independent Internet satire, a year is a long, long time. A lot has happened as LushForLife.com looks forward to its first anniversary, next Tuesday.
Children have been born, icons have died, wars have begun, and the great debate of the superior sports star has sparked.
Zombies invaded, sharks attacked, rapists [...]
“TAMPA – While the networks scream “”World War Three”” (or Four), the LushForLife.com International Think Tank quietly produced the solution to ending all human military conflict.
L4L ITT’s research has shown that there is an almost perfect correlation (+0.98) between ownership of :
1) a push lawnmower,
2) a refrigerator connected to a reliable [...]
Jul 20th, 2006
“BEIRUT – The sky over Beirut exploded in a dazzling display of pyrotechnic brilliance sponsored by the Israeli Government, Thursday. The fireworks included a beautiful Lance Missile, reminiscent of a Roman candle, and fantastic Jericho 1s, similar to giant bottle rockets. The display was in celebration of the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers who no [...]
The following NSA transcript was leaked to the offices of LushForLife.com by a reliable source inside the White House.
Dad?
Hi George.
Dad?
George, I can’t hear you. Turn the phone around.
Dad. It’s George.
Yeah, I know.
It’s terrible, Daddy.
Did Barney escape again?
Nope, got him right here. But almost as bad. Kenny’s dead.
Kenny Lay? How?
Lynched.
George, do you know what lynched means?
Hold [...]
“BEIRUT – As bombs drop and artillery explode Nandiashti, the lesser known, Hindu wing of Hezbollah, has rolled up its yoga mats and thrown its Bhagavad-Gita in the furnace as murmurs of dissent are heard throughout their temples. “”We will no longer tolerate the brazen disruption of our sleep or the interruption of distribution of [...]
“The following article was received from Danny Albertson via satellite at LushForLife.com headquarters in Tampa, Florida from the coast of Beirut shortly after Israeli bombing of Lebanon began to take place. We believe Albertson’s trained chimp may have wired the story – so any factual inaccuracies are simply beyond control.
“”It’s approaching five o’clock in [...]
Jul 12th, 2006
“CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Panic stuck mission control, Wednesday afternoon, when an experimental spatula was lost on a dangerous space walk. The spatula was developed in Hong Kong by a team of Chinese aeronautics researchers and flown to the Kennedy Space Center in late 2006. Designed for space walk repair jobs, the spatula was made [...]