Tom Delay Defends Gerrymandering Program


STAFFORD, TX – Representative Tom DeLay held a press conference, today, in an attempt to boost his public image and defend the controversially genius gerrymandering program he implemented in his home state of Texas.

DeLay, who last came out of hiding to defend his good pal, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, most recently attracted the attention of the left-wing media and zealot liberal prosecutors for receiving so-called kickbacks in a campaign finance scandal.

Despite this, DeLay spent a large amount of the press conference touting what he referred to as “God’s plan for the state of Texas.” DeLay claimed divine revelation as he set forth the true inspiration for his gerrymandering scheme. According to DeLay, Moses came to him in a dream with the state of Texas drawn on a large slab. On this slab, the congressional districts were redrawn. He told DeLay, “The heathen, liberal media will persecute you for your valor. Don’t be discouraged, my son, your efforts will be rewarded as you reveal the true reason for your actions.”

He then laughed like an inspired mad genius as he revealed a large “paint by numbers” rendition of Texas, complete with congressional districts. To the shock, awe, and disgust to all but this reporter and the multiple Fox news representatives present, the 2001 congressional districts of Texas, when painted correctly, resemble closely a picture of Jesus holding a black baby.

The newly vindicated DeLay laughed and pointed menacingly at representatives of the NAACP for thirty minutes until he magically imploded.

The Bush administration’s smug smiles have become scientifically measurably smugger as more proof of their divine appointment came to light.

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