Lush For Life

ST. PETERSBURG, FL – The driving force behind the random, three-note rally music riffs played at baseball games at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Florida, is not simply a button on a control panel as once believed – in reality, it is Abner McVeigh, a tortured old man who is chained to a cathedral sized [...]

EAST ALTON, IL – With the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals’ dismal ratings, reaching 0.3% of the viewing market, the Outdoor Life Network is being forced to result to flagrant sensationalism in an attempt to regain some market share. After being criticized for airing blatantly indoor activities such as arena football and pool tournaments, OLN announced [...]

TAMPA – Because of a class action suit filed on Tuesday, the Internet’s premiere home of wit, wisdom, satire, and parody, LushForLife.com, is in danger of being wiped off the face of the planet, as multi-national corporate conglomerates, in conjunction with the White House and several elite sects of Afghani terrorists and ex-KGB officials, have [...]

NORFOLK, VA – Creation science looks to move from the category of alleged “meta-science” to full-fledged science, this week, with the release of a series of profound studies. In a lecture at Liberty University entitled The One, Well Documented, Objective, Truly Legitimate View of the Beginning of Time, Dr. Walt Brown, MIT graduate and author [...]

DALLAS – Another seven months of painfully pointless professional basketball has finally reached its grand finale – as we, the watchers of this ongoing spectacle, crack our knuckles, pop our joints, and bust our skulls while we line up along the trough; loading up on cheap swill, greasy treats, and various other substances, attempting to [...]

I’m more and more convinced that Big Pharma is in league with the TV networks to ensnare America into its maw. I was discussing this with my friend, Juan, on Saturday.

TAMPA – Local homeless man Darryl “Divine” Marcum, who comfortably resides under a blue plastic tarp beneath the overpass of Fletcher Avenue and I-275, claims to have unforeseen powers of prognostication that would rival even the great Nostradamus himself.

Capricorn: Take it easy this month. Things that come easy to you will suddenly become more difficult. To relax, you will spend your time watching TV. Some of your favorite shows will include: Leave it to Beaver, Peyton Place, Dynasty, and The Andy Griffith Show. You share your sign with J. D. Salinger.   Aquarius: [...]

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – As news organizations across the globe attempt to piece together a reason for North Korea’s sudden missile tests over the Sea of Japan, Tuesday, an anonymous source had leaked to LushForLife.com the real reason for Kim Jong-Il’s Independence Day temper tantrum. According to our unnamed informant, Jong-Il lashed out in a [...]

The latest plague ravaging the already slow internal hemorrhaging that is the Ebola-infected death of our culture has finally pushed me over the edge.