Fraternities Rejoice With New Dictionary Addition

NEW ORLEANS – After months of struggling attempts to get new words entered into the Merriam-Webster dictionary, head advisors of one fraternity organization can finally exhale: “Sup” has finally been added to the official concordance of English words. “Sup,” which is a conjunction of the words “what’s” and “up,” has been used for several years amongst the college fraternity youth, and its usage has spread enough to finally warrant an entry into Merriam-Webster‘s official English text.

Official word definitions for “sup” have been entered today:

1. (interjection) : A contraction of the words “What’s up?” used to mean what’s new or what’s happening

2. (other) : What’s up

3. (other) : slang for what’s up or what’s going on

4. (other) : A cool way of asking what is going on. It could also mean “what are you doing?”

Head executives of the Organization of Allied Fraternities (OAF) finally witnessed their goal come to light, yesterday afternoon, during a press conference held by Merriam-Webster editor in chief Michael Agnes. According to Agnes, the process that OAF decided to take to get their words entered was “definitely not traditional”.

“They sent some dude-bros to my home one night, about four or five of them,” Agnes told correspondent Arthur Rocks, “where they proceeded to tie me down, gag, and torture me until I signed the proper forms.” Agnes’ account of the incident was graphic in nature, including forced Budweiser enemas, as well as anal penetration. OAF Chairman Bethany A. Deines offered to comment on the incident:

“It got to the point where something had to be done,” Deines said. “I’m not sure if you’ve ever had to motivate a large group of college frat boys,” she continued, “between their beer drinking and weight lifting, these boys don’t really do much. You have to motivate them with some gay man sex to really get them to support a cause.”

The incident with Agnes, apparently, was not an isolated incident, but one cause of action in a long line of attempts to influence Merriam-Webster to add words that are integral to the fraternity vocabulary.

“With the Brobonics Dictionary, we got ourselves on the map,” OAF Secretary and University of Dayton student Melissa T. Flanagan told correspondent Porcious Crank. “We implemented several plans to initiate our goals.” Flanagan went on in further detail, “including implanting microchips containing Brobonic terms into Merriam-Webster’s editor’s brains; torturing various members of the publication with tweezers and a blow torch; and forcing editors to have sex with watermelons filled with Everclear grain alcohol; among other things.”

With OAF’s attempts finally paying off, head executives are certain that more additions to the English language are sure to come. Whether we like it or not, the United States’ bastardization of this West Germanic language will continue to happen, and, most likely, some of us will be a forced to fuck watermelons.



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