Elite Senate And Congress With DNA Guarantee

WASHINGTON – As the November 2006 elections approach, Congress is calling an emergency session to pass legislation requiring Senate and House candidates to undergo DNA testing.

There is huge excitement amongst both Democrats and Republicans, as it is the first time that a DNA test has been developed which will ensure that the American public sends only the nation’s elite to Washington to represent them.

Dr. Jeanne Poole and her team of geneticists at the National Center for Human Genome Research have announced the discovery of a genetic marker, which has been found to be common to all politicians who are successful in the Washington system. It also predicts an all-consuming hunger for power and/or its companions, money and prestige.

The marker is a genetic microsatellite, described as “a simple repeated sequence of tetra nucleotides present on every few thousand base pairs of the estimated 3 billion base pairs of DNA.”

The discovery had been verified by five years of extensive double-blind tests, and confirmed by cooperating teams in seven other countries, using subjects from the most successful politicians and top corporate executives. Dr. Poole can now state, without any doubts, that it this marker that distinguishes those who are strongly motivated by power and status from those who are not.

“Those with this distinctive DNA marker will lie, backstab, plot against their own grandmothers, or turn on their own teams in an effort to get ahead,” says Dr. Poole. “They are remarkably susceptible to the lure of dominance and standing. Their ethical framework quickly disintegrates when the slightest enticement of greater influence or enhanced strategic position is dangled before them.”

Dr. Poole also referred LushForLife.com to a linked study by Dr. Xavier O’Nass, Professor Emeritus of Cognitive Psychology at the University of Washington, the leading national expert on the thinking processes of politicians.

Dr. O’Nass explained how the marker is strongly correlated with the ability to tolerate cognitive dissonance. “Those who have this DNA marker are able to profess a moral or ethical position,” he explained, “and yet act in a manner which is in complete opposition to the core tenants of the principles they imagine that they recognize. Even more interesting, they can pass a polygraph test to prove that they believe a set of doctrines, yet on the very same day, they can act in direct contradiction of the values inherent in that belief system. Fascinating!”

Sociologists are in a frenzy about Dr. Poole’s supporting research. Several researchers are interested in studying a Buddhist monastery where no one, not even the abbot, has the marker. Many more are submitting research proposals for a hugely wealthy country club where 96.8% of male, and 64 % of female, members have the marker.

The political infightings of this amazing community have already resulted in four deaths, innumerable divorces and lawsuits, and several serious injuries (one on the ladies’ eight tee, where a golf club was used in a most inappropriate manner). Many universities are very keen to study the group, but there is some trepidation about how safe it is to do so, as few sociologists have the marker themselves.

There is also talk of a Nobel nomination for Dr. Poole. The worldwide effort to map the human genome has had many benefits, including prenatal screening, genetic counseling, and early warnings of a predisposition to a variety of illnesses, such as breast cancer and cystic fibrosis. However, nothing approaches the huge benefits of this latest scientific breakthrough, which will protect our nation’s capital from wimps who are not genetically equipped to be politicians, and who will be steamrollered by those who are more highly evolved and properly suited to play the political game – the way it is meant to be played in Washington.



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