Creation Science Explains Red Tide, Road Rage


NORFOLK, VA – Creation science looks to move from the category of alleged “meta-science” to full-fledged science, this week, with the release of a series of profound studies. In a lecture at Liberty University entitled The One, Well Documented, Objective, Truly Legitimate View of the Beginning of Time, Dr. Walt Brown, MIT graduate and author of In the Beginning: Compelling Evidence for the Creation and the Flood, released conclusive evidence supporting his controversial theory that the “Red Tide” phenomenon is, in fact, Mother Nature’s menstrual cycle.

After speaking for an hour on the “vapor canopy” that existed on earth before the flood of Noah, Doc Brown turned his discussion to the long anticipated proofs of his “Red Tide” Theory. He began with an anecdote about the origin of the theory saying, “I was summering in my beach home on Florida’s gulf coast when I found the remnants of what I would later discover to be the feminine hygiene project of the earth itself. What ‘mainstream science’ calls Karenia Brevis is, in fact, Mother Nature’s menstrual cycle. The next day, Jesus landed his blimp in my front yard and produced the circa 1960 cocktail napkin pictured in your packets. On the back were Mother Nature’s phone number and a faded lipstick smudge. He related to me the story of their copulation and exactly how glad he was to see that Mother Nature was menstruating again, it seems she that they had a bit of a pregnancy scare.”

Jesus could not be reached for comment.

In a related story, in a press release on Tuesday, Fredrick T. Brown, son of the acclaimed Dr. Walt Brown, released findings sure to rock the creation science world. An alleged hippie, Brown said that his research into the causes behind the newly re-named “Intermittent Explosion Disorder” (formerly road rage), is God’s divine punishment for humans mistreating themselves and their homes by driving pollution producing vehicles.

In an exclusive interview with Arthur Rocks, Brown said, “Much like God inflicted the homosexual community with AIDS, and the African American community with Sickle Cell Anemia, the ‘murican [sic] driver has been struck with the plague of IED.”

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