Windows Vista Delayed… Again


REDMOND, WA – In an announcement that shocked the technology sector today, the Garter research company predicted that Microsoft‘s revolutionary new upgrade to the Windows line of operating systems, Vista, might be delayed again. The thrice-delayed super-OS was set to finally hit shelves early next year, but now Vista seems to be wheeling its rabid, infected, and gout-ridden body back to the test labs at Microsoft’s cyber-city in the sky, staffed with millions of programmers and well-paid robotic lab rats who still can’t seem to get it right.

The project, which looked from the start to be a surefire winner, has not been without its critics. We here at LushForLife.com, for example, all use Macs (unlike those heretics at Depressing Music and Blue Damage). As good Apple zealots, we all hate Microsoft; however, that doesn’t mean we don’t see some of the strengths of the new system. Senior LushForLife.com Technology Analyst and fellow Macintosh user Arthur Rocks pointed out that Microsoft is doing everything in its power to take out all the stuff that made Windows XP suck so much, like the code, the interface, and the way the system works. Instead, it will be replaced by something that vaguely resembles the fledgling Mac OSX operating system. Vaguely as in: almost exactly. These are, quite possibly, steps in the right direction. Rocks also points out that some of the developers behind the 3D windows effect that Microsoft thinks looks so cool, were hired from 3D Labs’ Duke Nukem Forever project, so it is surprising that the system is being delayed again, as we all know the Duke Nukem team’s reputation for timeliness.

To offset any possible losses in Microsoft’s share price because of the news, Bill Gates, today, personally outlined a new plan to have the heads of Google and Apple Computers, Inc. brutally tortured, raped with barbed wire, flayed, and, finally, vivisected. Microsoft‘s share price stabilized with the news.

Comments

comments

Tags:

Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]