Guest writer Summer Fields is a second grader at the Tampa Baptist and Young Republican Academy.
CHICAGO – In his first public speech using words in English in over five years, President George Bush proved just how awesome he is to the Restaurant Association meeting in Chicago. He actually had real people ask him really tough questions, and he answered them without the aid of a teleprompter or a bulging backpack or anything!
He told us eager Americans how we can use corn to fuel our vehicles, and how so many of us might be driving ethanol-capable vehicles and not even know it!
He outlined a plan to get us off of our oil addiction in an astoundingly quick twenty years! All we have to do, he said, is to use our most plentiful natural resource, corn, to fuel our cars. Of course, we need corn to eat, too, so we’ll subsidize the corn-growing farmers even more!
Some of the questions were really hard, too, like what he plans to do next weekend. Well, apparently, he’s going muddin’ in Crawford, Texas, and he’s going to cut down a tree! He’s cutting down the tree to represent all of the fallen soldiers in Iraq!
My daddy was there, too, and he probably asked the hardest question of all. It was about the economy. The president said that the economy is doing fine, and it’s proof in the pudding, because gas prices just keep going up.
They even let me ask a question. I asked Mr. President what it felt like to be so powerful and mighty. He told me that it’s like being like Jesus or God. You get to make decisions that affect billions of people, and, since you’re like God, it’s always the right decision, even if it doesn’t look like it at the time. It’s kind of like how when God decided to make different races of people, it seemed like a bad idea, but look how great it’s turned out in the long run.
All in all, President Bush enlightened the whole wide world, and he showed us just how great he actually is. The people who are giving him bad poll ratings are all evil heathen Democrats, and they all suck.
