Universe Café Established By Actor Eastwood


LOS ANGELES – During a press conference held by actor/director Clint Eastwood in Los Angeles on Sunday, the filmmaker revealed his plans to the physical world to open The Astrelplane Café, a new “other-worldly” café, which is designed to be a safe-haven for varying people, souls, and spirits who travel throughout infinite hyperspace.

Though not possible to access through the physical world, the café is said to be located somewhere in the universe, and is only reachable while a person is engaged in an out-of-body experience. Eastwood’s café has already become a refuge for hundreds of astroplaners and spirits in a number of alternate realities and dimensions while in transit from one spiritual plane to another.

“At first, I thought I was just tripping out,” one anonymous Astrelplane Café customer told LushForLife.com correspondent Arthur Rocks, after returning to his body. “I was surrounded by a group of indescribable, extremely intelligent beings,” the source said, “in what seemed like an infinite spectrum of existence, full of bizarre happenings and ravishing color.” The source went on: “These beings seemed to enter and exit this place from oval openings on a revolving, sphere-like structure,” he said, trying to remember vivid details, “I wasn’t sure where I was or what was happening, but then I heard Clint’s voice say ‘You’ll be alright, buddy…It’s good to see you. What’ll you have?’ So I ordered a glass of orange juice, lit up a Marlboro, and relaxed.”

The word around the universe is that Eastwood received permission and the universal space to open his café from a group of insect-like entities who manage daily operations at the control panel at the center of the universe. The Astrelplane Café is, reportedly, located in a high-traffic area just outside of this central location, and is said to entertain over seven hundred souls, spirits, Buddhists, and psychedelic drug users each day.

Attempts to contact Eastwood at his California home to comment on his new business venture proved futile, most likely because he had left his body to work a shift at the café.

Any further news and information will be reported as this journalist continues to investigate this mind-bending account in both this universe and any other universe that may happen to be discovered during future out-of-body experiences.

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