Parlez Vous Français?

PARIS – A French company has recently released a shocking new product for the French traveler. It is an electronic bracelet designed to warn French tourists when they are approaching American tourists while on vacation, so that they may take the necessary evasive maneuvers. contacted French couple Mr. and Mrs. Imbecile, whom are among the first to test the bracelet. The couple said in a joint statement:

” It was great. We visited China last month, and anytime we got too close to an American tour group, the bracelet would emit a high-pitched whistle, alerting us of their presence, so we would hide in a local shop until they had gone. In this situation, however, it is often easier to hear their loud American voices before the bracelet starts working. What it was really good for was warning us if any Americans were in a restaurant we wanted to visit. There is nothing worse than being on vacation in another country and having to listen to Americans trying to order hamburgers and fries. We have already recommended the bracelet to all our friends.” also had the chance to interview the CEO of the Company, Monsieur Bigot. We asked him how the bracelet was able to recognize Americans. ” It is very simple really: the bracelet scans the fat to body mass ratio of all people within a fifty meter radius.” Mr. Bigot also said that the bracelet was still having some problems with false readings in certain countries and situations. The Islands of Fiji, Samoa, and Hawaii have proved difficult, for obvious reasons. Also, people who use the bracelet are advised not to attend Sumo Wrestling events, as the bracelet has been know to explode during product safety tests, in Japan., a website well-known for its numerous efforts in the advancement of technology, is working together with a team in Tampa to produce a bracelet for the American market based on the concentration of garlic in the blood stream. Both the French and American teams foresee a day in the near future when American and French tourists will never have to even see one another.

In a final twist in the story of the technology of segregation, a team of scientists from around the world is teaming up to create a bracelet that will warn of the proximity of drunken English Soccer Fans. Unfortunately, the bracelet will not be ready for the World Cup taking place later this year.



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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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