Lush For Life

LOS ANGELES – During a press conference held by actor/director Clint Eastwood in Los Angeles on Sunday, the filmmaker revealed his plans to the physical world to open The Astrelplane Café, a new “other-worldly” café, which is designed to be a safe-haven for varying people, souls, and spirits who travel throughout infinite hyperspace.

PARIS – A French company has recently released a shocking new product for the French traveler. It is an electronic bracelet designed to warn French tourists when they are approaching American tourists while on vacation, so that they may take the necessary evasive maneuvers.

…Continued from last week I awoke on the floor of my Columbian hotel room this morning to the buzzing of my god damned cell phone. It was Duncan Idaho, bitching to me about deadlines and due dates and the sort. I rebuked him, reminding him that I was Senior Editor around here, and I’d be [...]

LAS VEGAS – Voting results from the God Election ‘05 were submitted to high-ranking electorate officials in both God’s Headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada, and Central Headquarters in Heaven on Tuesday.

TAMPA, FL – A Tampa man is suing the Catholic Church over the fact that he believes God is stopping him from eating McDonald’s. Mr. C. Karl Khunt, of Tampa, began legal proceedings Thursday against the Vatican after he was confronted by an enraged group of protesters from the Florida Tomato Picker Association, blocking up [...]

America’s “Pushy Parents” have always wanted children who will succeed beyond anything their friends, neighbors, or relatives’ kids can do. And now, that dream is within their grasp.

The popular American restaurant chain Denny’s announced, today, that they have added a new item to their menu which they are sure will boost sales. It’s called the “You Kill It, We Grill It” platter. Here’s how it works: you bring in any dead animal of any size and any species, and Denny’s will prepare [...]

Opinion pieces are a stupid, pointless waste of time. I have been Senior Editor of this fine website for eight months, now, and have decided that is the only way to describe them. They waste my time as I actually have to go through the arduous process of editing them, and then it throws everyone [...]

I awoke on the floor of my Columbian hotel room this morning to the buzzing of my god damned cell phone. It was Duncan Idaho, bitching to me about deadlines and due dates and the sort. I rebuked him, reminding him that I was Senior Editor around here, and I’d be the one barking orders [...]

LAS VEGAS – Voting results from the God Election ‘05 were submitted to high-ranking electorate officials in both God’s Headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada, and Central Headquarters in Heaven on Tuesday.