Denny’s Introduces New Menu Item


The popular American restaurant chain Denny’s announced, today, that they have added a new item to their menu which they are sure will boost sales. It’s called the “You Kill It, We Grill It” platter. Here’s how it works: you bring in any dead animal of any size and any species, and Denny’s will prepare it any way you like and serve it up with a side of grits and their famous hash browns, and it’s only $5.99!

The story behind the “You Kill It, We Grill It” platter is a very interesting one. It all started when Carl and Linda Bonner, a married couple from Davenport, FL, didn’t know what to do with their stillborn fetus. We spoke with Carl Bonner to hear his heart-touching tale about two destitute parents that turned their loss into a new fad in food service. This is what he had to say:

“We was just so upset ‘bout our little Mary Lou dying in her mommy’s tummy. However, I reckon we was pretty hungry, as well, seeing as how we’re mighty poor. Anyway, Linda was all crying ‘bout having to take home a dead baby instead of one of them live ones, so I said ‘Don’t you cry them pretty eyes no more. We’ll just take that dead fetus home and fry it up all crispy-like.’ And then I could see she started to smile because she hadn’t eaten anything in a few days, and she’s what you might call a ‘large woman.’ So, we took our dead baby girl back home, and was ‘bout to fry it up when I remembered: we ain’t got no stove. Well, this was a dilemma, indeed. Linda started balling again, and so I thought I need to think of something all quick-like. Then it hit me! I said, ‘Why don’t we just take that baby down to the Denny’s ‘cross the road?’ and asked them to fry it up. So, that’s what we did.”

The manager working that night was Bob Canton. “I have to admit, I was a little surprised when they first came in and asked us to fry up their dead baby girl, but then I thought: why not?” Bob charged the Bonners $5.99 and even threw in a side of grits and hash browns. A few days later, another husband and wife came into the restaurant with a dog they accidentally hit on their way home from church the previous day. They told Bob that the Bonners informed them of how he fried up their dead baby, and asked if he could do the same for them and grill the dog they had run over. Canton immediately realized he had struck a gold mine. He ordered one of his cooks to start grilling the dead dog, and then quickly got on the phone to call the Denny’s corporate office to tell them about his new idea. Denny’s executives thought the idea was marvelous, and quickly began working on the new campaign.

The “You Kill It, We Grill It” platter is now available at all participating Denny’s restaurants across America. People all over the country have been bringing in opossums, stray cats, deer, ducks, pigeons, deceased loved ones, and even goldfish. Forget about throwing that dead hamster in the trash… go to your local Denny’s and have it served up Denny’s style!

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