Apr 26th, 2006
TAMPA – With gas prices around the country nearing an average of over three dollars, many consumers are staying away from the pump altogether. So dire is the situation, many metro area police stations are being inundated by missing persons reports of SUV owners, and drivers of large trucks have been spotted weeping openly in [...]
HEADQUARTERS, LAS VEGAS – A recent investigative report conducted by LushForLife.comcorrespondent Arthur Rocks in Las Vegas, Nevada, has revealed a multitude of evidence implicating our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as a degenerate gambler, racketeer, and compulsive sex-fiend.
Lushforlife.com recently questioned the usefulness of opinion columns.
This website was born to a basic premise – that everything is stupid (except, of course, emus). But it is time to take up cudgels in defense of opinion columns.
Apr 19th, 2006
CLEARWATER,FL – Tom Cruise announced, today, that he plans on eating both the umbilical cord and placenta after Katie Holmes gives birth to their child. Since no doctor in their right mind would ever let him, or any man, for that matter, do this, TomKat plans to give birth to their child in the privacy [...]
Apr 18th, 2006
SHANGHAI – There is a new flavor of experimentation wafting through the halls of power at McDonald’s headquarters. “The old model worked well for so long, but that is changing,” says head P.R. man Mike Mandrake. “Our old commitment to selling the same hamburgers all over the world just is not raking in the cash [...]
ALBANY, CA – After years of Christian-skewed religious celebrations of the Spring equinox, a small community of Californian residents are taking back Easter. The rights that were performed were taken from the most accurate writings available of the Assyrian Queen demigod, Semiramis. John Poikin, of Albany, led the service.
Gone are the golden days of enjoying a calming Sunday afternoon, sipping on a Mint Julep, an Old Fitz, a Rusty Nail… grilling-up charred, blood-sponge-like shanks of beef, seasoned with a virtuous grit that naturally exudes from your fingertips, surrounded by a group of soused chums who happen to be your closest of confidants… [...]
Apr 10th, 2006
TEHRAN – In a rush story that any journalist should be obligated to write, Iran has figured out how to really piss off Americans, this week, in claiming to have fulfilled plans for a nuclear power plant, complete with excessive waste that can be used for nuclear weapons. President Bush has noted that all options [...]
WASHINGTON – In a surprise announcement, the Bush administration has released plans to solve both the raging border protection and immigration debate, as well as the international outcry over the treatment of detainees at the Guantanamo Bay detention center.