The Lush For Life Interview


ES: You mentioned Cronenberg. If you think about him, I mean, he almost got his start doing, practically, what would be considered “B” movies, what with Videodrome and… the other thing…

DI: That thing terrifies me.

DR: Rabid. With Marilyn Chambers.

ES: …and now, he’s huge.

DR: He’s huge. He’s real huge. And when I was in Cannes last year, I saw him speak and was say that there certainly was a point were he could basically do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted, meaning any actor. Cast approval. He had approval over everything. And now he wants to work in a bigger level because he needs to make money. He’s very open about that. So he says, y’know, ‘I get a cast and I have my wish list and at the end of the day, the studio has to okay everybody.’ He may get final cut, still, because he is great and they know he’s great, but they still have to have cast approval. So even someone like Cronenberg, with his amazing, y’know… What’s the word?

DI: Talent?

DR: Talent and…

DI: Pull?

DR: …and proof of his work, track record, thank you. He has to succumb to some of the Hollywood stuff, which is amazing. But he’s just… He’s great because he takes horror and he takes real life situations like marriages gone bad and he sort of makes them into these… He makes people into monsters but he physicalizes what’s really happening emotionally and certainly The Brood is another great family film that he made. I love him, yeah.

DI: You were in a movie called Who Wants to Be an Erotic Billionaire?

DR: Erotic Billionaire. Yeah!

DI: …What would you do if you were an Erotic Billionaire?

DR: What would I do if I was an Erotic Billionaire? [Laughs] I would… boy, what a great question… I would probably buy an erotic car…

DI: Okay…

DR: …an erotic mansion…

DI: Big erotic car.

DR: Big erotic car. I guess everything would be phallic or vaginal shaped. I think I would have to spend the money in the right way.

DI: Would you make a lot of donations to charity like the Bill and Martha Gates Charity Foundation… with an erotic twist?

DR: Yeah. I would donate to people who do research on sexually transmitted diseases and stuff like that, maybe. I would be a good donator, I think.

ES: Well…

DR: You know what I would do, actually? I would go to Vincent Gallo’s website where he is selling his sperm for a million dollars and I would buy that sperm. I wouldn’t necessarily use it…

DI: Put it on the wall…

ES: Mix it with some paint…

DR: Yeah, just to say that I had it. And he really is selling it. For a million dollars.

ES: I don’t think it’s worth it…

DI: It’s just sperm.

DR: He even has a description of what type of people he will sell it to, which is very weird.

DI: Wow.

ES: Do you fit the description? Would he sell it to you?

DR: He may. I fit at least three-quarters of it. I think he just has final approval.

DI: Okay. Is there a waitlist?

DR: No, I don’t… I’m not sure that he’s sold any, yet. You can either have it… what’s it called? Not intravenous but…

DI: In vitro?

DR: In vitro. Or the natural way, but that costs a little more.

DI: Fair enough. It is a little more work.

DR: Exactly.

DI: Do you believe that Scrotal Vengeance is a dish best served cold?

DR: [laughs] I believe it’s one hell of a comedy! It’s one of the best titles and I don’t think anybody has not asked me about Scrotal Vengeance. And there are actually three Scrotal Vengeances

DI: Really?

DR: Yes, three of them…

ES: I figured there’d be two…

DR: I’m only in one, though. Scrotal Vengeance, which is by Chris Seaver… he’s the funniest filmmaker. He’s about 25 years old and he’s the new Troma, basically. He’s up in Rochester and he makes these crazy Troma-esque movies. He did a movie called Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape.

ES: I was wondering about that, actually.

DR: It’s parodying the Kill Bill movies. Completely.

DI: You come out of a coma…

DR: Yes! I come out of a coma but I’m…

DI: …and go fight Teen Ape…

DR: Yes! But the thing is, in his movie, I went into a sugar coma because I was sort of like a geek…

DI: …and he stole your [Halloween] candy?

DR: …and, yes. Exactly. But I come out and I’m actually… I am good looking instead of a geek. But I must avenge the people who stole my Halloween candy. So that’s the slight difference between the two movies. Otherwise, shot for shot, they’re the same.

ES: The new Quentin Tarrantino, obviously.

DI: Yeah.

ES: Let’s hope he makes more movies than Tarantino, though… Where are we at here? If you were the president, I guess of the United States, right?

DI: Sure. Might as well be.

ES: Or of the MPAA…

DR: Of the world?

ES: Or of the world, yeah. What would be the first thing you would do to make the world… not even necessarily a better place… you can make it a worse place if you want to. You can do whatever you want.

DR: Okay. This is very very political and boring…

ES: Make it fun.

DR: I would absolutely, immediately develop a replacement for gas because within a hundred years we’re not going to have any polar bears left. The ice is melting up there and the female polar bears have to… Literally, they have five months less of food that they actually get to eat and feed their babies with. They’re underweight by a hundred pounds and ir babies are underweight by I don’t know how many pounds. Within, literally, a hundred years, they will no longer exist.

DI: So, you’re a fan of polar bears.

DR: I’m a fan of polar bears. I’m a fan of ice. I’m not a fan of pretending that this greenhouse effect is just a hippie thought. It’s very real and I think we’re extremely selfish people and we should do something about it.

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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