Gates And Bono Behind The Google ‘Compromise’

YORBA LINDA, CA – You can hear it around the water fountain in any office in America – or at nearly any “adult” social event. Mention a national problem, and the actual (or covert) message is like a heartbeat: shuddup, shuddup, shuddup…

 

If you don’t talk about it, it isn’t happening.

 

If you don’t tell Mom you broke the lamp, she won’t notice it is smashed.

 

Our enemies are listening. Do you want it to be All Your Fault that they noticed? Our President is also listening. Are you looking for trouble, sweetie?

 

And, as for us, we don’t want to listen. 57% of us don’t know what the three major branches of the US government are, so shuddup, shuddup, shuddup…

 

The origin of this attitude was recently revealed at the Nixon Library at Yorba Linda, California. A researcher came across a yellowed brochure (on very cheap paper) for a training course to be held in China from 21st to 28th February 1972. The brochure reads:

 

 

MAKING YOUR PEOPLE SHUDDUP

 

Part 3 (three) of Mr. Zhou Enlai’s nation-changing series of seminars for

 

– Listening in on them

 

– Keeping a lid on stuff they might talk about

 

– Encouraging their dislike of thinking

 

And….

 

– Making them SHUDDUP!

 

 

Only graduates of the 1966 part 1 (one) and 1969 part 2 (two) seminars eligible.

 

 

Book now for our early-bird low, low price of $999,995

 

 

Free lunches and a handsome certificate included.

 

This discovery has led to other interesting findings that, in the 1980s and ’90s, other such courses were held in China. These were attended by both world politicians and delegates who came (incognito) to see what the pols were up to.

 

Some such sneaks included Melinda Gates (in a blonde wig and Victoria’s Secret push-up bra, assumed to be the mistress of a South American dictator) and Bono, wearing Rastafarian regalia and eau de cannabis, passing himself off as the President of Jamaica.

 

Vice President Richard (Dick) Cheney is prepared to state (but not under oath) that he was never present at any of these seminars. He was quail hunting on all questionable dates.

 

Gates’ and Bono’s covert research later translated into action against the Shuddup pandemic, aimed at its point of origin. Sergey Brin and Larry Page have apparently been working with them, under Google’s secret motto “Undo Evil”, in a conspiracy to teach the Chinese not to shuddup.

 

Google’s free Web Accelerator Tool and a few other neat software options (not to mention creative spelling, etc.) are set to offer freedoms which China’s four million current bloggers will before long turn into widening chatter. Soon, a billion people in the People’s Republic will delight in their ever-growing right to know, to think, and to discuss.

 

Of course, back in the USA, we’ll still be keeping quiet, in case we rock the boat, offend someone, say the wrong thing, or stick out from the herd.

 

And eventually, inevitably, one US entrepreneur will see a great business opportunity: Teaching China’s leaders to make their people shuddup.

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