Republican Party Votes To Outlaw Guns

WASHINGTON – The GOP showed its true colors, Monday, when it voted to outlaw guns in a shocking repeal of the 4th Amendment. To liberal-minded freethinkers, it at first seemed a true breathe of fresh air and victory, as the Republican Party accepted its first lost round in a long, long boxing match. Democrats everywhere felt their first feeling of joy, happiness, and even a tinge of exuberance. That is, until the truth reared its ugly, acned, scabbed, pockmarked face.


As it turns out, however, the ban is an effort to put as many black people behind bars as possible in the shortest amount of time.


I asked George “Dubya” Bush, point-blank, why he is such a “racist bastard douchebag KKK bloodhound pawn” at a meeting following the repeal. His answer speaks for itself:


“Well, I like nigg- er – African-Americans as much as the next man. But, with this nation being in such a fragile state with this, uh, war and everything, myself and Congress felt that it was time that we took this country back.”


And how does this plan take back the country?


“One of my people who reads polls told me that 84% of black men carry guns for protection. I figure that, if they want to hold a gun, they can join the army.”


Obviously, this plan has since backfired, as the only thing happening is black people getting thrown into jail, left and right.


Army enlistment may get a boost from this, however, as Bush has outlined a plan to release black men in jail on the new “American Liberty Justice Peace Truth Happy Nice” Act by allowing these men to reduce their sentence to time served if they will please join the Armed Forces and volunteer to go to Iraq ASAP.


Concerned Democrats, which there appear to be a lot of these days, have asked for a new vote on the repealment, claiming that they were “hoodwinked and bamboozled” into voting for an inherently racist law that they thought would protect the country.


Of course, the GOP denied the revote, and, of course, the Dems whimpered home with their tails between their legs, with a lone Senator, Barack Obama, threatening a filibuster, blah blah blah.


No one is doing anything about anything, so, like, whatever.



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Dr. Egbert Sousé is a columnist and the Senior Editor for Lush For Life.Born and raised in the rural Deep South, Dr. Sousé attended University of Vanderbilt, where he received his Bachelor's Degree in Mass Media, then going on to Georgetown for his Master's, and eventually graduating from Brown University with a Doctorate Degree in English, where he studied under the highly respected writer and journalist Dr. Leonard Epstein.Dr. Sousé has written articles for a variety of publications, including Newsweek, Time, and The Boston Globe.When not working, Dr. Sousé enjoys spending his leisure time at the local horse tracks, where he places two dollar bets and attempts to make contact with extra-terrestrial life.He currently lives in Tampa, Florida, and during the summer months he resides at his remote villa in Key West, Florida, where he enjoys drinking home-made Absinthe while he continues to complete his Great American Novel.

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