Increase Your Metabolism Fast!

Everyone has that one friend who can eat an entire bowl of chocolate ice cream without ever gaining a pound. Why is it that they never gain weight no matter what they eat while you sit back and watch every calorie you consume go straight to you hips, butt, thighs, and stomach? The answer is… they have a fast metabolism! Now, we all know that exercising and eating right can boost our metabolic rate, but if you’re like the majority of people, you probably hate moving a muscle and love to eat fatty foods, like fried cheese on a stick. In this article I will give you three easy solutions to weight loss that don’t require any exercise or dieting.

Smoke, Smoke, Smoke: Smoking is a great way to increase your metabolism! One cigarette has enough harmful toxins and chemicals in it to get your heart pumping in no time at all. For optimal results, doctors suggest smoking from twenty to forty cigarettes a day. At this pace you could easily drop up to five pounds in as little as a week. Also, smoking will curb your appetite!

Get Wired: Methamphetamines are another great way to speed things up, no pun intended! Drugs like “speed” and “crystal meth” will not only give you a great buzz and help you focus, but they’ll also burn calories and fat at an incredible pace by increasing your heart rate for hours on end. If illicit drugs aren’t your thing, I suggest getting a prescription for Ritalin or Adderall by faking Attention Deficit Disorder. One 15mg tablet of Ritalin or Adderall has enough “uppers” in it to keep your heart beating fast all day long, making you burn more calories while you eat, sleep, and breathe.

Ride the White Pony: Do you want that lean, thin, rockstar body? Then do it like a pro! Snort cocaine day in and day out. Cocaine is a fun and easy way to loose weight fast! It will speed up your heart rate, suppress your appetite, and give you more energy than a bull on steroids!

So, if you’re really serious about losing weight, pick up any of these three easy habits, and watch the pounds melt away.

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