High Fructose Corn Syrup Overdose Reported

PRINCETON, NJ – A daily wire report received at LushForLife.com headquarters, yesterday, indicated that a diabetic patient at Princeton Teaching Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey, died from a diabetic stroke, apparently induced from over-consumption of the common food additive high fructose corn syrup.

The patient, whose name has been asked to remain anonymous, was admitted to Princeton early yesterday afternoon, showing symptoms that included blurry vision and increased fatigue. The patient agreed to remain at the hospital for overnight care, and later was found dead in his hospital bed around one o’clock in the morning by a fellow patient, who happened to be a methamphetamine-huffing prostitute junky.

“I saw him freakin’ out. He started sweatin’ and got all shaky all over,” the drugged hooker said to LushForLife.com correspondent Arthur Rocks. “I went through his pockets to see what kind of shit he was on… then he died a bit later.”

Physicians at Princeton Hospital were fully aware of the patient’s pre-existing diabetic condition, and warned the patient on multiple incidents to refrain from consuming too much sugar and the dangers of doing so. In the end, it was clear their guidance and treatment proved futile.

“This patient made great efforts to cope with his condition,” Princeton chief of staff Jonathan Spergel said. “We thought he was on the right track, but it appears he could not rid his diet of high fructose corn syrup,” Spergel said, “which was the ultimate cause of death.”

Roy Wadia, consultant at the World Heath Organization, offered some insight to the dangers of high fructose corn syrup to LushForLife.com on-site correspondent Porcious Crank.

“It’s a dangerous game,” Wadia said of the additive, “A game I don’t recommend many Americans to be playing.” Wadia began to trail off, “Other countries, sure, it doesn’t matter. Places like Africa, for example. No one cares if a plethora of nigglets die, whether it be of starvation, or over-consumption of fructose.”

Wadia continued, “High fructose corn syrup is in almost all foods on the market. Soft drinks, fruit juices, snack foods, condiments, some breads, salad dressings, and so on. If someone were allergic to it, it’d be damn hard to get away from it.

“The product is raised from farm corn, and is a steadfast American standard,” Wadia explained. “It contributes to diabetes and cardiac disease, and American consumption of the additive has risen one-thousand percent in the last twelve years.” Wadia added as a rather odd footnote, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”

There’s nothing any American can do to get away from the new plague infecting the hearts and guts of our society. This epidemic, high fructose corn syrup, has all of us. I guess there’s no other choice than to sit back, become obese, and die of a sudden blockage in a corroded artery, or fall into a coma from pancreatic failure or diabetic shock. Cheers!

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