Factories Refit To Produce Medical Grade Coat Hangers


DES MOINES – The ability of George W. Bush to appoint two supreme court justices has had an unforeseen impact on the private sector as factories are refitted to accommodate new products. In an unprecedented move, domestic product manufacturer Forworld Industrial Co., Ltd has stated in an official press release that it plans on producing medical grade, sterilized metal coat-hangers and knitting needles.

 

When asked the reason behind this, Forworld’s head mechanic, Gerald T. Rivers, told us that “When two conservative Supreme Court Justices (hallelujah) are appointed by good ol’ George W. (God bless his soul) our analysts predict a 93 percent chance that abortion will become illegal again (praise Jesus). When this happens, the market for what the brass have termed, ‘Back-Alley Abortions’ will skyrocket. As a reaction, shelves will be jam-packed with our medical grade, sterile, one-time-use coat hangers and knitting needles. We predict that these sons of bitches will sell like hotcakes, especially in the big cities.”

 

Additional literature produced by the company states; “To drive demand we are currently lobbying in the Iowa State Senate to offer a class in the State Penitentiary System on the ins and outs of the ‘Back-Alley Abortion.’ This class will only be offered to inmates with previous medical experience. Not only will it increase demand, but it will offer rehabilitated nurses and doctors a chance to make a living in the field of medicine again.”

 

After the press release, Forworld’s stock jumped eight points to a record high of 23 dollars per share, making today their single most profitable day ever (Amen).

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