New al-Jazeera Plot Uncovered

WASHINGTON – New White House plans to bomb the headquarters of the head office of the Arabic television network al-Jazeera were uncovered last Friday.

A New York Times reporter told Karl Rove, off the record, that it was entirely the Democratic Party’s fault. The Dems are suspected of stressing the Administration so much that they spend most of their time watch ESPN or pirated copies of movies. Seduced by the scene in Syriana where the CIA takes out a Range Rover with pinpoint precision, the good ol’ boys resurrected their idea of taking out al-Jazeera.

Karl Rove told a well-known talk show host, off the record, that this is not quite true. He has a personal limit for blaming the Democratic Party for the nation’s woes. He permits himself only seven blamings per day, per scapegoat. On the day in question, he reached that total for the Democrats by 10.28 am, so Hollywood was next.

Screen writer and director of Syriana, Stephen Gaghan is therefore responsible for the plan, according to White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

The last attempt to bomb al-Jazeera headquarters failed when the volunteer right-wing Christian suicide bomber chickened out at the last minute. His girlfriend suddenly wondered whether their normal routine of anal and oral sex really constituted technical virginity in accordance with their pledge. He also had sporadic doubts about people riding around on dinosaurs 5000 years ago. Uncertain of his guaranteed entry into Heaven, he decided to postpone the trip until he was sure.

When asked whether a third plan to hit al-Jazeera was in the works, McClellan replied, “we are not interested in dignifying something so outlandish and inconceivable with a response”.

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