American Idol Is Not Terrible

American Idol, the easiest show on the planet to bash, is about to be praised. What?! A bubble gum pop culture prime-time show not being bashed on LushforLife.com? Are the editors losing their minds? Has the cynical group of degenerates who run this insane asylum finally lost it? Is acid rain going to eat my face as I dance in the rain? The answer, my friends, is no. Well I’m not sure about the acid rain… some sort of face protection might be in order. However, LushForLife.com has given the number one show in America a big one-and-a-half thumbs up.

Many in the media have criticized the show as racist, homophobic, and a way to hurt people’s feelings. How can that be a bad thing? Hurting people’s feelings is a way for the rest of us to feel better about being uncaring, selfish human beings who don’t really give a crap about anything else other than having a nicer iPod than the next guy. Anyone who worries about child labor in the Third World, donated money to the tsunami victims, or even thinks that people deserve a second chance (DNA evidence aside), can just turn off the TV. Those children need jobs, and South East Asia was probably overrun with abortion supporting homosexuals who God had it in for… And you all know that DNA evidence is just a way for those godless scientists to try and make us comfortable with the lie that we came from monkeys.

Insulting someone’s race, creed, culture or sexuality is what makes us American (except for me. I’m South African, which is worse) and telling someone they can’t sing is a great way to destroy their self-image, and everyone knows that having a static self-image is a bad thing. I change my facial hair pattern, hairstyle, accent, and style of walk every three months or so just to keep my idea of self on its toes. So, bravo, American Idol, keep up the good work of keeping those fags, fatties, rednecks, round eyes, hippies, habibs, crackers, crazies, nut-cases, and niggers from thinking that they’re real people. And just to keep things fair: Randy, your an overweight, washed up hack who has sold his soul to pop; Paula, not only should you stop thinking you’re twenty and starting acting like a real human being, but you don’t have a career, never did and never will you botox-pumped-up-bimbo, a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Hall of Fame honor is not an honor but a joke; Simon, you stuck up pommie prick, you suck. You’re not even good at insulting people, you unimaginative faggot. Try something more like, “Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries”, asshole; Ryan, what do you do? More importantly, what have you ever done you talentless hack? Get a real shirt, dude-bro and then kill yourself.

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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