WASHINGTON – An audiotape purported to be of Osama Bin Laden was aired Thursday afternoon on the Arabic satellite news channel, al-Jazeera, making a vague reference to a possible truce with the United States if they pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Jennifer Millerwise, Director of Public Affairs at the Central Intelligence Agency, said early Friday morning that the tape has been analyzed and it is believed that the voice on the recording is indeed that of the Federal Bureaus of Investigation’s most wanted man. Continue Reading

American Idol, the easiest show on the planet to bash, is about to be praised. What?! A bubble gum pop culture prime-time show not being bashed on LushforLife.com? Are the editors losing their minds? Has the cynical group of degenerates who run this insane asylum finally lost it? Is acid rain going to eat my face as I dance in the rain? The answer, my friends, is no. Well I’m not sure about the acid rain… some sort of face protection might be in order. However, LushForLife.com has given the number one show in America a big one-and-a-half thumbs up. Continue Reading

As the GOP struggles to clean up its act, a new bribery scandal is surfacing, and Republican parents, not disgraced Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff, are the ones offering the pay-offs. Continue Reading

NEW YORK, NY – Producers of the blockbuster horror movie series Saw, in conjunction with Geffen Records Chairman and CEO David Geffen, are taking the bloody, gore-filled series off the silver screen and have begun production of a lavishly produced Broadway musical adaptation of the original film. Continue Reading

NEW YORK, NY – After learning of an article posted on LushForLife.com by this journalist regarding a conspiracy involving the murder of Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy’s son in order to level the playing field in the National Football League playoffs, league officials abandoned the tampering attempt, reportedly just before halftime of the AFC divisional game between the New England Patriots and the Denver Broncos, sources said. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON – New White House plans to bomb the headquarters of the head office of the Arabic television network al-Jazeera were uncovered last Friday.

A New York Times reporter told Karl Rove, off the record, that it was entirely the Democratic Party’s fault. The Dems are suspected of stressing the Administration so much that they spend most of their time watch ESPN or pirated copies of movies. Seduced by the scene in Syriana where the CIA takes out a Range Rover with pinpoint precision, the good ol’ boys resurrected their idea of taking out al-Jazeera. Continue Reading

NEW ORLEANS – It could have been a beautiful thing. Amidst Ray Nagin’s poignant speech, yesterday, there was much buzz about which direction the mayor of New Orleans would lead his rebuilding city. On one horizon, there was the peace and harmony of a multicultural city by the Gulf, rebuilding itself into a beacon for other cities to aspire to. On the other horizon was the unrest and turmoil of abandoning the levees and the debauchery and running to higher ground to start over. Nagin decided to go a different direction altogether. Continue Reading

TAMPA – Once again, the pressroom at LushForLife.com has been forced to bear the brunt of a hostile corporate takeover, shifting the entire staff around in order to save a few pennies here and a few pennies there. Continue Reading

DURHAM, NC – A recent experiment conducted at Duke University has revealed that the disease Dude-broism, which was once believed to be only transmitted genetically, can begin to develop in the human brain from over-consumption of Anheuser-Busch’s alcoholic beverage Budweiser. Continue Reading

VALRICO, FL – Ku Klux Klan, Inc. hit the ground running in their 21st century switch to capitalism and technology. Their new Double Zero Voice Recognition and Call Routing Software (00VRS) has doubled the value of their shares on the NY Stock Exchange since its initial offering. Medical and other insurers are lining up to buy. Continue Reading