Video Games Inspire Further Violence

JERUSALEM – In the growing controversy over violence in video games, the likes of Hillary Clinton, Joe Lieberman, and Charles Schumer have been joined by a powerful ally: The Israeli government. Palestinian rocket attacks and suicide bombers have led the Jerusalem based outfit to start hitting back against what they feel may be the real reason for the unrest in the Middle East. 

A recent survey of six Palestinian youths with fundamentalist leanings reveled that 100% of Palestinian youths with fundamentalist leanings play video games, and 99% of those play violent video games. “This new survey shows beyond a doubt that much, if not all, violence in the region is the direct result of the ridiculous amount of pointless violence in modern computer gaming,” Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said yesterday. He went on further to blame UK based Team17 for their close terrorist ties in helping inspire new weapon technology being used in the Gaza strip.

Growing fears over the spread of Team17 inspired weapons have led to a recent panic in Jerusalem. Team17, creator of the best selling “Worms”, “Worms Blast”, “Worms 3D” and the infamous “Worms Armageddon” have issued a press release stating that they have absolutely no ties to any terrorist organization and are really upset that anyone would call them names. Jim “Superfrog” Marsto, CEO of Team17, said today, “Team17 is an upstanding member of the English economy and just because a few scallywags use bazookas, mines, and shotguns doesn’t mean they got the idea from us”.

But the evidence says otherwise. The Worms series of games has a unique collection of weapons that are starting to appear in terrorist attacks all over the globe. Last Saturday in Yemen, three tourists were killed by a SuperSheep bomb, an insane bouncing sheep strapped with explosives, and two months ago on the Gaza Strip, Super Bananabombs killed nine Israelis. The fear over further attacks being carried out with such awful devices as the “French Sheep Strike” the “Priceless Ming Vase” or even the dreaded “Concrete Donkey” has begun to put a serious strangle hold on the Israeli tourist industry.

Palestinian Cabinet secretary Hassan Abu Libdeh today commented on the fact that there is no link between violent video games and how young Palestinian men get sucked into a life of violence. Said Mr. Libdeh, “We all know that the reason so many bright young men are led astray is Marilyn Manson. Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade, Hamas and the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine don’t even like Worms, I know for a fact that they are more into FIFA Soccer 2006 and that new Rockstar game ‘The Warriors’ (that game kicks ass).”

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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