US Marshals Kill Crazy Brown Person

MIAMI – On a flight to Orlando, Thursday, US Marshals were forced to shoot a man who could have almost, most possibly, in some likelihood, been a terrorist. Martine Rodriguez, the most almost certainly identified terrorist, was on his was to Orlando Florida (a known hot bed of terrorism activity), with his wife and bombs. The plain clothed Air Marshals drew their guns and yelled to Mr. Rodriguez to put his bag down and were forced to fire when he screamed and decided to run away.

While many details remained confused, federal officials, yesterday, said the 44-year-old American made threats and indicated he had a bomb in his bag. These included saying, “Yeah right. Like there’s a bomb in my bag or something” and earlier had been heard saying, “Man, that 50-Cent is the bomb.” He was boarding a flight that had arrived from the Colombian city of Medellin, and his skin was not really white. He had arrived in Miami from Quito, Ecuador, was greeted by two Air Marshals onboard the Orlando-bound plane and then shot. The Marshals were confused as to what his name was and apparently had gotten confused between a terrorist watch list and the list of passengers who may require help. Mr. Rodriguez’s name was on the list because he was schizophrenic and mildly irritable.

“He was defiantly irritable,” said Casio Pedia, head of the new Air Marshal division, “and refused to put down his bag.” When asked if the Marshals identified themselves as such, Mr. Pedia began to stutter and talk about the weather. The Department of Homeland Security announced today that they support all actions taken by any law enforcement agency against brown people. The term “brown people” was later discovered to be a typo and was corrected to “suspected terrorists, insurgents, and brown people.”

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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