Lush For Life

LAS VEGAS – The autopsy results following God’s improbable assassination in Dubuque, Iowa, earlier this year has revealed startling answers involving an unsolved murder that occurred in 1974 in Branson, Missouri.

HOLLYWOOD – After suffering what he called a “back injury” on the set of his latest sure-fire flop fest, Miami Vice, Colin Farrell has admitted himself into an unidentified drug treatment center (no doubt The Betty Ford Center for Washed-Up, Has-Been, and Never-Will-Be Actors), proving once again that money, fame, and fortune are just too [...]

Many have debated as to whether or not the state of Israel needs to exist, and the answer is simple: Make me the ruler of the world. Now, I know that that’s not really an answer, but there are a few things that I would have done within the first few days of my rule. [...]

I was sitting on the toilet – my throne, my “Fortress of Solitude” – depositing a

RIVERVIEW, FL – Former Greco Middle School teacher Debra LaFave, who recently was charged as a sex offender stemming from several sexual encounters she committed upon her former students, has opened a new daycare business out of her townhouse in Riverview, Florida.

MIAMI – On a flight to Orlando, Thursday, US Marshals were forced to shoot a man who could have almost, most possibly, in some likelihood, been a terrorist. Martine Rodriguez, the most almost certainly identified terrorist, was on his was to Orlando Florida (a known hot bed of terrorism activity), with his wife and bombs. [...]

TAMPA, FL – A dispute over land rights ended in bloodshed, Wednesday, when two as yet unidentified males claimed their stake in apparently unowned wasteland. 

Aries: Unfortunately, your hair will fall out: but don’t worry… it will grow back on your ass. Taurus: Adam Sandler will arrive at your doorstep and play the Chanukah Song in celebration of the holiday season, and for an extra $20 he will also reenact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in your front lawn for [...]