I Think This Alcohol Thing Is Going to Catch On!

Being the wealthy business investor that I am, I’m always looking for the next big trend in American culture. Well, the other night I was at a party, and this fellow handed me a drink. As soon as I put the cup to my lips, I knew this was no ordinary drink. It had a peculiar smell and taste to it; one I was not familiar with.

“Eek. Gasp, my good man! What did you give me, poison?” I exclaimed. “No, dude, it’s a beer,” said my fellow bro. “A beer. I’ve never heard of such a thing. Is it new?” I asked. “Nah… I don’t know… whatever,” said the young lad. As he staggered away only to go mingle with members of the opposite sex, I thought it would be best if I familiarized my self with this new thing called beer by drinking twelve of them in a row. Boy, was that a swell plan, indeed!

Later that evening, after swilling copious amounts of this strange brew, I found myself jovial and carefree. I whimsically danced around the party, charming everyone with my social graces. At one point, I stood on a table, and sang my favorite Rock N’ Roll songs out loud while everyone cheered me on. A stranger I met the next morning while gathering my belongings told me that I even courted a young mistress and made love to her on the terrace. Although I vaguely remember the likes of any such thing happening, I felt an odd mixture of guilt and accomplishment lingering throughout me, so I took his word for it. Sure enough, later that day, I found a phone number in my jacket pocket belonging to one Laquisha Smith. A magical evening, I tell you.

In short, I must say that I really think this alcohol thing is going to catch on. Yes, I do believe that people will like it.

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