Lush For Life

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about women in all of my years, it’s that there’s only a few stereotypes, and they are all easily identifiable if you know what you’re looking for. In order to save you a lot of heartache and venereal diseases, I’ve compiled them into an easy to understand list. Live [...]

WASHINGTON – The results from the most recent Gallup poll indicates that approximately ninety percent of those eligible to work in the United States are currently employed by various call centers across the country. Consequently, executives at large companies who employ thousands in call centers are finding there is no longer an active outgoing call [...]

It’s been called “The Beautiful Game”. A game of skill, speed, pretty boys and fans that will kill their fellow man just because they’re wearing another team’s color. And almost nobody in the United States gives a damn. Wake up America!! This is what the rest of the world is doing! How is it that [...]

WASHINGTON – The United States is lagging in the most recent real-life NASCAR race that is nationwide death tolls. The numbers were up after the 9/11 tragedy, in which 3000 civilians died. That, added to the over 2000 soldiers killed in the line of duty in Iraq, and then multiplied by all the poor suckers [...]

NEW YORK, NY – Rockstar Games, the designers of the popular “Grand Theft Auto” gaming series, announced in a press release yesterday that they intend to develop a new video game based on the critically acclaimed 1988 film “Mississippi Burning”. Though the announcement comes as a bit of a shock to the gaming industry considering [...]

CLEARWATER, FL – For millions of years, evil, giant, super-intelligent, anal-retentive minotaurs have inhabited the planet Neptune, plotting the Earth’s destruction, unbeknownst to us. However, there is one human on the planet Earth who had the wherewithal to foresee this tragedy, and set out to make certain that the world will always be safe from [...]

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan, star of… well, no one really knows, was arrested last night for performing fellatio on a man in a Los Angeles nightclub. According to authorities, Lohan has been suspected of “sucking dick and/or balls” for the past several months, not only by them, but a large amount of the American public [...]

WASHINGTON – President Bush unveiled his new energy plan in a White House press conference, yesterday. As expected, there where no real surprises at the President’s plan to help take off much of the pressure being felt by energy companies after the hurricanes in the gulf coast created massive shutdowns in oil refining capacity.

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron, director of such blow-yer-head-off testosterone flicks such as “The Terminator” and “Aliens”, decided to end his life, er, career in 1997 with the super stupid movie “Titanic”, and now that’s all he can talk about. Jesus, wasn’t that eight years ago? And what has he done since? Squat. Yet he still [...]

WASHINGTON – With Hurricane Wilma’s recent battering fresh in the minds of the crucial Florida electorate and still another month to go in the 2005 hurricane season, President Bush held a joint press conference with top Republican leaders today to declare a formal “war on hurricanes.” Reading from a prepared statement, the President cited the [...]