Five Women Every Man Must Date

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about women in all of my years, it’s that there’s only a few stereotypes, and they are all easily identifiable if you know what you’re looking for. In order to save you a lot of heartache and venereal diseases, I’ve compiled them into an easy to understand list. Live by this as if it were gospel.

  1. The “Sperm Bank” Girl: She’s just like your local sperm bank; everyone’s made a deposit. This is the perfect girl to loose your virginity to. Since all of your friends have already been there, it will be easy for you to compare and contrast when you brag about it the next day.
  2. The “What Crawled Up Your Ass and Died?” Girl: She won’t let you put it “where the sun don’t shine,” she won’t go down on you, and the only guy she’s probably ever had sex with was that Chili’s waiter she met at a frat party and she’s still douching her vagina with holy water over that incident. It’s always good to date one of these girls, because it will really enhance your appreciation for the “Sperm Bank”. Now you just have to find the perfect medium between the two (see: The “Perfect Girl”).
  3. The “Sugar Momma” Girl: This girl is awesome! Quit your job and start writing your wish list. This girl is usually the heiress of some big-shot hotel owner. She’s not quite as slutty as the “Sperm Bank”, but she’ll buy you whatever you want. The secret to keeping this girl is never letting her know that you’re only using her for her money. The easiest way to go about this is by always talking about lucrative prospects, like finishing college or getting a “real job”. Being in a band helps, too.
  4. The “Ethnic Girl” Girl: Dating a girl outside of your race is a great way to improve your repertoire of racist jokes, because if anyone gets offended, you can always say; “It’s okay, my girlfriend is (insert race here).” If you’re a white guy who wants to make black jokes, date a black girl. If you’re a gentile who wants to make Jewish jokes, date a Jewish girl. And if you’re a black guy who wants to make cracker jokes, well… date whomever you want. It’s always okay for black people to make fun of white people.
  5. The “Perfect Girl” Girl: This girl is the perfect combination of all of the above. She’s not the same race as you, so you can get away with making plenty of inappropriate jokes; she comes from a wealthy family, so you’ll never have to worry about sleeping in a box; she hasn’t used here vagina as a penis parking-lot in the past, but she will still meet all sexual demands without being too slutty about it. This is the perfect girl.

Comments

comments

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]