Crazy Dieting Hits Japan

NAGOYA, JAPAN – A dangerous new craze has swept Japan. A new and potentially lethal form of extreme dieting has caused thousands of young Japanese women to be hospitalized in Nagoya, a city in Central Japan. A spokesperson for the Health Department said that the hospitals cannot cope with the influx of skinny women and have already requested emergency supplies of Mars Bars to hand out at school gates.

Mr. Sakamoto, a father of five daughters, spoke exclusively to He claims that it all started when Fox News Channel introduced the “Ally McBeal” show to the primetime slot. Mr. Sakamoto explained that Japanese women are under the impression that all American women are huge whales only capable of waddling as far as their enormous cars. The sight of Miss Flockhart deeply shocked and damaged the Japanese self-image. These poor unfortunate ladies have taken up the dangerous challenge in an attempt to become even skinnier than their new American idol.

We at cannot stand by and watch while beautiful Japanese maidens waste away to nothing. We have launched a charity drive get some meat on their bones. So if you have a heart please send us $250 and we will post you a Japanese girl. It will be your job to introduce them to American steak houses, Wendy’s, and very large American girls. Please give generously, as we are counting on you.




Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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