White House Issues Cease-And-Desist Letter To The Onion

WASHINGTON – The White House, residence of the present resident president, is apparently not amused by the humor site’s use of the Presidential Seal on a parody of a presidential radio broadcast. The Onion, a site much like LushForLife.com, only less funny, has been a long upstanding member of the fake news industry and a staple of people who like clicking on funny pictures only to find that they have no story to go along with them. The White House has issued a cease-and-desist letter, demanding that it remove images of the White House Seal from its website: The Onion of course laughed at them thinking it was a joke. “Why should we remove something from our site that taxpayers paid to have designed?” questioned a senior editor at The Onion (who wishes to remain anonymous because they don’t have cool, funny bios on their site). “And why do they use more taxpayers’ money to send us these stupid god damned cease-and-desist orders when they could use the money for saving the poor seals in the arctic that are getting clubbed to death by taxpayers’ money?” The Onion is, apparently, very concerned over taxpayers’ money.

Earlier today, when asked by reporters about the cease-and-desist order, President Bush said “Well, if those there bastards are using poor, cute, innocent creatures for their own gain and just to get a cheap laugh out of the White House’s national animal, well that’s just as wrong as rain. I know that they have been causing problems in the past, covering their bodies in beautiful oil that is spilled by terrorists from US tankers, but we cannot, I repeat, cannot allow jokes made about an animal just because it is stealing a little oil from us… They’re just so cute…” When a mildly surprised press corps pointed out that The Onion was using a seal as in an insignia, White House press secretary Scott McClellan appeared from nowhere and guided a sad looking Bush back into his golf cart. The President was visibly shaken up and was heard mumbling “There’s no White House Seal? They’re so cute…”

As fellow members of the distinguished fake press corps, the Senior Editors at LushForLife.com have decided to donate two hours of drinking and Bush-bashing to The Onion and its readers on Friday night. We will probably go to Senior Writer Danny Albertson’s rural Florida shack and get blotted on single-malt scotches that you couldn’t possibly afford. Keep up the good work, Onion!

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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