The Pink Collar Takeover Project

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – If you’ve visited a local dance club or actively participated in the college social scene in your area during the last several months, then you’ve in all likelihood encountered the current social fad corrupting the necks of good-natured, drunken college students from coast to coast. The situation has gotten so out of hand, that Lillian Doss of Harper’s Bazaar said, “This trend is ruining fashion in general, and it is growing into an epidemic.”

The sightings of the pink collared shirt with the collar flipped up have grown more and more common among the college youth. Suspected for this problem are pop culture outlets, such as MTV, and clothing chains, like Old Navy, The Gap, and American Eagle. When I began to investigate this growing issue, the results I found were somewhat perplexing.

Aaron Soren, personal spokesman for NBC late night host and pop culture icon Carson Daly said, “Mr. Daly has no involvement in, or is in any way connected with any kind of fashion or social movement, either real or suspected, by NBC, or any other of Mr. Daly’s affiliations. We would also like to go on record by saying that myself and Mr. Daly both own pink polo shirts, but we do not flip up the collar. I want to be perfectly clear about the state of our collars.” When I attempted to ask follow-up questions, I was referred to Daly’s attorney.

Still not satisfied, I went to InStyle Magazine Headquarters in New York to see if any of their representatives could give me some answers. Maxwell Schiavella, a co-editor of the publication, said, “This pink collar trend has been catching on the last couple of months. We at InStyle have done nothing to further the spreading of this poorly styled trend.” Schiavella went on to say, “In my opinion, this has turned into a serious epidemic. The fashion and taste that we as Americans used to portray was respectable, lively, and fun. Now we look like a bunch of silly fags, and the rest of the world is laughing at us.”

I then traveled to Los Angeles, CA, courtesy of the endless transit budget we have here at LushForLife.com, to see if I could gather more information. I decided to start in Beverly Hills, where all the decadent natured scumbags roll through fly-by-night trends like swine tongue-flapping through a trough. Hollywood is the modern Mecca of the beginning fad, so I should be able to find some answers.

To the advice of my mentor and close friend A. Rocks, I decided the best way to gather statistics would be to conduct a rough field study. While drinking manhattans during lunch hour at Le Chic at The Beverly Mall, I took thorough notes on my social observations. I have found that the pink-collar situation has indeed gotten out of hand, just as Schiavella had suggested. Approximately sixty percent of males from the age of 16 to 25 were observed wearing some sort of pink collared shirt, most of them made by Abercrombie & Fitch, and all of them with the collars flipped up. One interesting statistic was that a good percentage of those not wearing pink shirts were wearing white polos, but with the collar down. It was later determined, after several more manhattans and some precise investigative reporting with these boys’ young lady friends, that the entire population of the pink collared shirt nation is lacking in intellect, originality, and uniqueness. On a side note, most of them refused my offer of a strong drink in favor of a Bud Light.

After looking into this dilemma, this reporter has determined what those of us who care to remedy this issue should do:

Whether the wearer of this already clichéd, disgusting garment is engaged in typical and repugnant frat lifestyle is not important; what is important is that we, as Upstanding Members of Society, are aware of this growing cancer in the heart of our culture, and that we also make a unified bond among whoever is left to not allow this disastrous disease to spread anymore than it already has. Those of us who are ready to take it upon ourselves to indulge in this task realize that, in reality, the collective IQ of the majority of our peers is…relatively low. This is why our ability to fight The Pink Collar Takeover Project is crucial; we must minimize at least the apparent stupidity of ourselves, and our peers.

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