The Greatest Fairy Tale Ever Told: Scientology

Not since the Lord of the Rings trilogy, or even Star Wars, has a better figment of someone’s imagination made its way onto paper. Scientology is by far the best and most imaginative heap of nonsense I have ever heard in my entire life. I would put its caliber of creativity and sheer “wackoness“, if you will, about ten notches above Disney’s Fantasia. If you’re the type of person who is into mind-expanding drugs, or if you just enjoy a good piece of fictional literature every now and again, then I highly recommend you take a deeper look into the religion of Scientology.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not one to bash another person’s religion or beliefs. If you believe that Jesus Christ is our lord and savior, that’s cool, or maybe you believe in reincarnation, that’s fine too, but if you believe in Scientology, then you are one “wacko son of a bitch”! Allow me to provide an example for you. Here is a lovely excerpt on the subject of Scientology that I picked up from a website called

“Scientologists believe that 75 million years ago an evil galactic ruler, named Xenu, solved overpopulation by bringing trillions of people to Earth in DC-8 space planes, stacking them around volcanoes and nuking them. Then the souls of these dead space aliens were captured and boxed up and taken to cinemas where they were shown films of what life should be like, false ideas containing God, the devil and Christ and told to get ill.

After that they supposedly clustered together and now inhabit our bodies. Scientologists believe that if they rid themselves of these body thetans then they will be healthier and will gain special powers like mind-over-matter

Operating Thetan levels 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 are all to do with getting rid of ‘body thetans’. These body thetans are the souls of dead space aliens murdered by Xenu, 75 million years ago.”

HOLY SHIT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! If I could make up shit like this, I wouldn’t be writing for this website: I’d be writing best selling novels. Then again, L. Ron Hubbard, the creator and founder of Scientology, was a best selling novelist. I guess that’s what you call apropos. Sure, the bible is full of tons of unbelievable shit, like Jesus walking on water, for example…but come on. Am I really supposed to believe in an extraterrestrial named Xenu? The only thing this story is missing is Harry Potter and a couple of lightsabers. I can already see this religion becoming next summer’s blockbuster hit: “The Thetans, starring Tom Cruise as Xenu.”

Scientology: what a bunch of bullshit.

Fun fact: “Tom Cruise is an “Operating Thetan Level Six,” which means he has paid for, and been indoctrinated with, the Scientology “science” that tells all about how humanity’s every problem derives from the spirits of murdered space aliens. When he denied it in June of 2005, HE WAS LYING.



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