Lush For Life

DUBUQUE, IOWA – In a perception-bending event, the existence of God, Man, and indeed Earth itself has been called into question as God was murdered by a lone, suicidal gunman on Tuesday. The sniper felled The Holy Redeemer with a single shot from a bolt action, military issue rifle and then turned the gun on [...]

I took ten different women out on ten different dates to find out the secret behind that age-old mystery: what do women really look for in a man? Rule Number One: Never pay for anything! In fact, try to get the woman to pay for you. Women like men who are confident. If you pay [...]

MIANUS, RI – Mianus is a small town in Rhode Island that most people have never been to or even heard of. Today, I have decided to embark on a journey to this unique and magical place to find out what really goes on in Mianus. Mianus is full of rich and colorful characters. All [...]

NEW HAVEN – A new pidgin-language, “Brobonics”, has just become an official language as of today, when Yale announced that they would now be offering a Brobonics course. Surprisingly, many scholars (including many of Yale’s very own English professors) are outraged by this decision, saying that Brobonics is a desecration of the English language. However, [...]

LYNCHBURG, VA – August 1st, 2005. F.B.I. officials raided fundementalist Baptist minister Jerry Falwell’s Virginia home at 9:00a.m. F.B.I. agent Mark Mathers received an anonymous tip that Falwell had been filming pornographic movies in his home and then posting them on various websites under the pseudonym Dick Dangling. Mathers insists that he does not know [...]

HOLLYWOOD – A Hollywood insider tipped me off to a possible conspiracy to take over the world involving sometimes popular, though often maligned actor/director Kevin Costner. This anonymous source alluded to the idea that the reason Costner’s popularity has not been swayed by repetitive flop after flop in the box office is because Costner is [...]

TAMPA, FL – It’s official: everything is stupid. On Thursday, July 10, 2005, Dr. C. Carl Kent, a professor at the University of South Florida with a PhD in psychology, scientifically proved that literally everything is stupid. Kent actually administered IQ tests on anything and everything he could get his hands on to evaluate the [...]

BERLIN – One of my international sources informed me, earlier this week, of a growing story happening in Germany, where world-renowned chef Apfel Strudahl prepared a human carcass for several members of the Bundestag for a formal dinner. Knowing my great interest in disgusting affairs, my source forwarded this information to me via the morning [...]

MANCHESTER, UK – Joel Glazer, the new Co-President of Football Operations for Manchester United, has allegedly been seen at Sven’s Decadence, a slimy, well-known brothel located in the slums of Manchester. Glazer has reportedly been seen on a number of occasions entering and leaving the darkened establishment, sometimes in a well-lubed drunken stupor, other times [...]

SILICON VALLEY, CA – Was the decision for Apple to move from IBM to Intel chips purely a business move? New photos leaked exclusively to LushForLife.com may prove foul play. The graphic images show Apple (and more recently, Ikea) CEO Steven Jobs, in numerous compromising positions with another man. “The (unidentified) man is actually an [...]