Glazer Found In Back Alley Brothel

MANCHESTER, UK – Joel Glazer, the new Co-President of Football Operations for Manchester United, has allegedly been seen at Sven’s Decadence, a slimy, well-known brothel located in the slums of Manchester. Glazer has reportedly been seen on a number of occasions entering and leaving the darkened establishment, sometimes in a well-lubed drunken stupor, other times with a various selection of under-aged minority prostitutes. Former actor-cum-litigator Danny Aiello, now a close friend and spokesman for the Glazer family, later said in a press release, “For the record, I’d like to let you all know that Joel is fine. He is a well-rounded human being who is determined to make a difference in not only the life of his family, but also to further the progression of the Manchester United franchise, and life for Jews the world over. As far as the allegations are concerned, we have no comment.”

Joel’s father, Malcolm Glazer, has recently gained majority control of the Manchester United football franchise, which is the most profitable sports franchise in the world. The hostile takeover by the Glazer family during the past several months has gained both local and international attention and scrutiny. When correspondent Arthur Rocks asked Mr. Glazer of what kind of effect his son’s alleged behavior may have on the public image of his family, he responded, “You place the peg into the lower four, meanwhile selecting three further points of entry…[grunting sounds].” Since Mr. Glazer’s comments were rather vague, it is unclear how the organization will decide how to handle this turbulent public issue.

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